C.H.E.C.K. c.h.e.c.k.
This microphone doesn't w/o/r/k
I hate to be the constant
M R O E T
A I N T E
of this r.e.c.o.u.r.s.e.d. SHOW
Baby if I'm not good enough at least I try my hardest
I don't expect to be supernatural or to gain recognition
All I want is to be part of your crazy S.U.P.E.R.S.T.I.T.I.O.N.S.
&& make believe convictions
of imprisoned entanglement ♥
Flavours of elaborateness.. s/e/d/u/c/e my tongue to confess;
Partial discressions of s.p.o.t.t.e.d. misdirections
g\u\i\d\i\n\g\ me.. ________ irrelevant lies...
UNDER
Confused && Hypnotized by sweet
D.e.c.a.d.e.n.c.e.
you turn me apart, far from e/l/o/q/u/e/n/c/e/
&& then you tear me apart just for the fun of it
Baby I'm not a master at what I preach,
but at least I can carry something pretty enough to teach...
I don't pretend to be someone much less be something
But I am comforted with the thought that with[out] you I am
b
r
o
k
e
n
&& I know the pieces will last f.o.r.e.v.e.r
{ inside }
because you never had the valor
to think of this twicw
or to at least
my ♥
R.E.C.O.G.N.I.Z.E.
Author notes
Reality Check!
XXVampireeyesXX
Option 6
"First Day Of School Blues"
In a list
A contest entry
- Lots Of Options by stargazer..
525 points, ended December 27, 2008, 33 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Never Again Will This Hurt Me
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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I think this is the first I've seen of this style... and I really, really enjoy it now because of THIS poem. It's just... great.
One little thing though; line 34, typo. "twicw" instead of "twice", I believe.
This is awesome work though, good luck in the contest =] ♥
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Just a heads up, you forgot the 's' in supersition. That and a couple of the lines [21, 24] throughout are not completely coherent to include the end which i think really breaks the poem all together. I'm not a really big fan on this style but wanted to lend a hand with the errors especially since you're in the finalists. Good luck.
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omg! lol sorry for my typos didnt noticed!
I tried to make it more comprehensible and fixed that error mm k?
hope you like! -
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much better, still, one question line 21; is suppose to be ''Baby I'm not a master AT what I preach'' instead of and? just curious, maybe i'm not understanding it who knows lol. but glad i was able to help, didnt want you to get so far and lose cause of that. good luck keep writing and expanding your horizons!
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lmao! yea it should be at lol
sorry! 
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no worries, there are somethings spelling check wont catch. I make spelling and grammar goofs all the time and i've been writing for over 10 years. Good luck my friend.
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Wow, this is so different. the way you set it out is incredible and suits it perfectly, and then the words... I'm just awed.
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This is absolutley amazing. I really wish I could write dirty pretty....Great write and good luck in the contest! -Liz
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wow..amazing dirty pretty..your punctuation and impact is right on..right where you can feel the deep pain..thanx so much for sharing and best of luck in the contest..blessings..namaste..
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Very powerful. Excellent dirty pretty write, It is crazy what people can do with punctuation - to create impact with it, and such.
Something I can never do.
Wonderfully done
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WOW
This is an amazing poem. I loved how you began this poem and your emotions stay strong throughout it. And I can't speak too much on the DP style, since I am not too familiar with it, but I can say, you have a very creative mind and know how to emphasize words at just the right moment.
Very well done
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Well done. I dont have a good grasp on the Dirty Pretty style, but I can see your emotions in this and I can see how you used the style for emphasis. Nicely done.
Mike
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I have far too many favorite lines to place on here. But once again twinnie I am amazed. Your words are so raw and full of emotion. I can feel the spite, the pain, and the wish to avenge in your words. I grind my teeth in certain parts every time I read them. So very real. Your style is powerful and it rebels. I love it. Once again, best way to let it out. =)
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This is a great emotive piece of personal struggle in love and lost direction to thought. The simple ignorance displayed without even the slightest regognition to the pain that has been inflicted upon the heart. *sigh* Yes, I too know this feeling all too well. I am not so much on dirty pretty - but appreciate it when it can be done tastefully!
"But I am comfort with the thought that with[out] you I am"...
[did you mean comfortable here?]
Well penned dear!!!
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Dayuhm, sis, you are incredible at dirty-pretty! I love your style, it's so real & unique. I loved the message the reader gets from this poem, too. Woot. You are a fantabulous writer, love. Especially at dirty-pretty
-Baby if I'm not good enough at least I try my hardest
I don't expect to be supernatural or to gain recognition
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Ahhh. LOVE those lines. For real. They are so full of truth & self confidence, which this world needs a lot more of.
-Flavours of elaborateness.. s/e/d/u/c/e my tongue to confess;
Partial discressions of s.p.o.t.t.e.d. misdirections
g\u\i\d\i\n\g\ me.. ________ irrelevant lies...
UNDER
...
& that was definitely my favorite part. Especially the whole "s/e/d/u/c/e my tongue to confess;" Wonderfully written. The rest of the poem was just as amazing, too, haha. I.love.thee.whole.thing
♥
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