My eyes F.a.d.e
.with every tear I .cry.
They're white now
but I'm not
B
L
I
N
D
fire
--s---s--
-u-----d-
-r--*--n-
--r---u--
----o----
me
but my
O
C
E
A
N
of tears puts it
o-u-t
but then I
-D-
--R--
---O---
--W--
-N-
sinking
^s^
^l^
^o^
^w^
^l^
^y^
to the
_bottom_
my body lies there
cold.and.wet
..they think I'm dead..
but my soul
S
T
A
Y
S
_there_
contemplating
What I've Done
and my body
R
E
M
A
I
N
S
_there_
trying
to
FORGET
A contest entry
- Another Dirty-Pretty Contest. ♥ by innocence jaded.xx.
475 points, ended September 6, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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This was a really creative piece and I especially loved the structure of the fire surrounds part; I also loved the image of the tears extinguishing it. You really seemed to tie the piece together nicely for example I really liked how you followed the idea of the ocean of tears with the idea of drowning. It was clear you put a lot of thought and skill in to this so congratulations on a great write and best of luck in the contest x
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This is a great poem. I love what you've done with it.
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confusing
That was very confusing. It was hard to follow. Don't put any of that in my contest, I will strait out DQ it -
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yeah i kinda confused myself too. haha
okay i wont ever put any of this in your contest =)
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Yesss, this definitely added a lot to the poem :] I loved it. You made it a lot better, dear, & I love your use of metaphors [still
] Keep it up ! ♥
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haha thanks
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I am not a big fan of dirty pretty but yours actually made sense to me. I enjoyed the metaphores very much. This was nicely written and descriptive
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yeah actually im not too big a fan of it either.. i dont know why i do it haha. im not sure what the whole idea of it is suppose to be but i like the whole
w.o.r.d.s
like
T
H
I
S
(thing)
hahaha
thanks for the comment xD
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the fact that you tried is the main thing sweetie, it's all fun to learn all these new styles & the like!
best of luck in the contest anyways my dp isn't any better either, so don't worry haha x
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haha thanks
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Well, this was pretty good for a try. I liked it =) Though, I did feel it could be longer, it was still a good shot at it. You used a lot of creativity when putting it together, which I highly admired.
-fire
--s---s--
-u-----d-
-r--*--n-
--r---u--
----o----
me
...
I felt that was my favorite part. I just love how you wrote surrounds, it made it stand out so much more. Beautiful. Keep writing & thanks for entering! Good luckkk ! ♥
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thanks! im glad you like that part too its my favorite part. haha
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