A Love Poem (of sorts)

My pen is poised above the paper
Waiting for inspiration
As pain stabs at my shoulder with every movement

Chewing the pen I think of you
Of course I was always thinking of you
The thought of this composition
Was the thought of you

I am not gifted as the readers of this will
Inevitably be
Those dirty pretty, artistically succulent formation
Poetry connoisseurs
All I have is you

Then why can’t I write?
You are something no one else has
What even I don’t have

Never been able to write emotion
Some say I cannot feel it
But I know how my mind goes blank when I see you
Flustered I try to say something witty and eloquent
Inevitably I fail
I used to talk to you until the birds beckoned the morning
In the days when I could only respond with “lol”
Now my voice is found, I fear you don’t want to hear it

I’ve learnt my lesson
I won’t give into what the want any longer
Admittedly you matched me in intensity
In my eyes anyway
Perhaps not in your own
But you never asked again
Is it because you know you could have it all?
My heart included
If only you would ask

                            Who needs love? Not I
A mantra I sing to myself
My voice warbles I am unsuccessful
In the least
Next song, one you sent me, not just any
About love
One of the first you sent me
Makes me dream of you always
And fills my head with ideas of love poetry
Liquid beauty pours onto the page
In my head

In reality I write with permanent marker
A free write of sorts
I do not pause
Edit
Stick to form
These are my thoughts unadultered
This pen with make me high
Momentarily
I have tried this before- right now I do not want to speak of mushrooms and orgasms

Orgasms
The ones I felt that night
I didn’t peak
But it was the best feeling I have ever experienced
I faked true
But I have never felt such pleasure before or since
Smiled all Tuesday
It was claimed: “cassie got some last night”
I denied it, they were wrong
In their way
Internet porn

                            We are the ultimate porn stars
                    Unmatched in our sexual energy
        Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
        We haven’t spoken since
                  Not like that
I miss it

I need you to want me. No I don’t
            I don’t need anyone to want me
Peoples desire is at my figure tips, it is called unblock
I do not need you even
I crave you

I like that word