Life at the end of its road
seeing places where it once was
is
Seeing its own nakedness
Forced apart from truth
Leaving it suspended
in a cauldron of insecurities
and lost imitations
Left alone and forced
into seeing how it is meant to be
Suspended above a lie
Forced to watch itself unfold
Causing life to realize
that at the end of its road
it had accomplished what it was meant to
A journey of pain and suffering
Joined with simple satisfactions
Knowing this
life saw
that within this microcosm
where it had come to end
It had gained more wisdom
than it did from a lifetime of mistakes
Author notes
Opiton 22
uu11
A contest entry
- Fifty Options --- Big Points --- FIFTEEN MORE!!!!!!!! by VoltaicHypnosis.
2000 points, ended August 27, 2008, 39 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
I LOVE IT, nice rhythms... i like how you use breaks, the ... man that lit term zobu always used to say in a french accent .... ENJAMBENT!! haha yes that, you used that, and it works so well, very nicely done ... what else what else ...umm youre speaking bout life as a noun, almost as a person, and i didnt pick up on that only becuase in the begining you use the word "seeing" instead of "sees" or "saw" ... like later on you go into the past tense, maybe you wanted to do that i dunno, but its a bit confuzzling how you go back and forth from "seeing" and "causing" to "forced" and "suspended" ... i got a little lost, and i think also it would help if you capitalized the l in life, cause youre treating it almost like a person --> " knowing this life saw" its actually diong shit, this life thing XD haha so chya chya, just to make it a little less confuzzling, but the rhythm is totally awesome and the ending rocks awesomeness ... very ... not melancholy, but its poignant ... its like not a regretfull end, but an epiphany, and you showed that really well with the end, and everything gets so much clearer in the end and it comes all together and so thats pretty cool the way you did that cause it fits with the poem =D nicely done uu XD <3 i got bored and didnt want to do my calc homework so this is what i do instead at 11 -_- haha <3
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