When seven times seventy years wither,
The world slumbers amid a spider's web.
Rank with a hissing, serpentine slither,
Ever the aging tides advance and ebb.
A single star blazes in the stale night,
The lone beacon of a forgotten race.
Gracing desolation with its wan light,
Emptiness illumines this barren place.
A contest entry
- Two Four Line Stanzas - Rhyme and Meter Only by Frodofan.
425 points, ended August 29, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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A wonderfully written piece.
Enjoyed reading.
M.
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My thanks for the comment, lady.
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Your poems always touch me. This one does as well.
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"When seven times seventy years wither,"
^Am thinking a comma after "seventy" would help.
Great description for just two stanzas. Lovely piece. Thanks for entering!
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Thanks for the comment and the advice.
Are you certain about the comma, lady? 'Seven times seventy' is the number of years that have elapsed, so splicing the line with a comma seems to break the rhythm. -
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You know, I must have completely read that wrong somehow. Nope, no comma...
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Cool. Thanks for getting back to me on that.
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You've created a real sense of time passing and barren desolation in this piece. It somehow feels like the end of the world or the end of humanity. Lovely rhythm and rhyme which carries the emotion of the poem extremely well.
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