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breaching borders

 

The constant drip
from cerebral faucets
aid in my collapsed thoughts.
Drinking from nothing's cup,
the cracks in my walls buckle the floor
knowledge rests upon.

Dictionaries drown as
my levees break.
Brain matter surrenders,
collapsing my mind.

 

 

Author notes

Prompt - 2. rain leaks through my mind

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • CaliOkie silver member
    September 3, 2008

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    Well done gold. Interesting take on the prompt and a unique collection of ideas presented here. Your style and structure are fresh -- it is increasingly difficult to be unique these days, but you have succeeded well.

    Garrison


  • Beating gold member
    September 3, 2008

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    Speaking of dictionaries, I had to find my English-Danish dictionary to get through this small piece. I'm glad I did though, because when I understood the full meaning of your words, I was left in awe of the true simplicity. I loved it!


  • xCandieKissesx
    August 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The constant drip
    from cerebral faucets
    aid in my collapsed thoughts.
    Drinking from nothing's cup,
    the cracks in my walls buckle the floor
    knowledge rests upon.

    Intriguing. Great job and good luck!!


  • penman gold member
    August 22, 2008
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    Excellent

    Wonderful creation. so very well written. Best of luck in the contest.


  • whispernthedark Greeters member
    August 22, 2008

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    This is vivid, and I think you captured your chosen prompt well. Thank you for entering the contest, good luck.

    ♥
    whisper


  • CarolDesjarlais silver member
    August 22, 2008

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    Drinking from nothing's cup,
    the cracks in my walls buckle the floor


    now this is some far edge writing that I love...

    the last two lines let me down a little....don't tell me, show me came to mind...but I do love this poem, ty for entering it.


  • delayedscreening
    August 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    p.s.

    good luck in the contest.

  • delayedscreening
    August 19, 2008

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    indirect take

    on the prompt.
    like that you avoided the more obvious option.
    over-all, this is a good poem.
    you seem rather versatile.


  • innocence jaded.xx
    August 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wowww. I can't even begin to explain how amazing this was. You wrote it so brilliantly, & your words were just mind-boggling. I loved every word Keep it uppp, & good luck in those contests ! ♥


  • Number 13
    August 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I like the prompt =]
    I think you do it justice,
    I'm so in love with the imagery ♥

1 - 12 of 12