A man - shocked - thinks of everything
That in his life could happen to him:
Cases of illness, accidents
Bringing his life to a rapid end.
Brain, eyes, ears; teeth, nose or neck,
The heart, the liver or sto-mach
Bowels, kidney, bladder; circulation, too.
Shuddering, he lists just those few.
He also includes lungs, arms and knees,
Along with all other possibilities.
Yet, even if we now assumed
He's in good health - he'd still be doomed.
If he was always feeling well,
Always bein' as sound as a bell
Every day as right as rain -
There'd still be cars, and trams and trains!
Reminded of death almost hourly,
His thoughts are never flower-y.
Cyclists can hit you without a sound
An accident, murder - dangers all around,
Lightning, a fall, storms, a World War - in short:
Earth, water, air, fire - things of all sorts.
This man who has thought about fate's might
Every day and every night
Lives in fear for a long time, but you can't deny:
He finally dies - and no one knows why.
Author notes
GERMAN:
Der Schwarzseher
Ein Mensch denkt jäh erschüttert dran,
Was alles ihm geschehen kann
An Krankheits- oder Unglücksfällen,
Um ihm das Leben zu vergällen.
Hirn, Auge, Ohr, Zahn, Nase, Hals;
Herz, Magen, Leber ebenfalls,
Darm, Niere, Blase, Blutkreislauf
Zählt er bei sich mit Schaudern auf,
Bezieht auch Lunge, Arm und Bein
Nebst allen Möglichkeiten ein.
Jedoch, sogar den Fall gesetzt,
Er bliebe heil und unverletzt,
Ja, bis ins kleinste kerngesund,
Wär doch zum Frohsinn noch kein Grund,
Da an den Tod doch stündlich mahnen
Kraftfahrer, Straßen-, Eisenbahnen;
Selbst Radler, die geräuschlos schleichen,
Sie können tückisch dich erreichen.
Ein Unglücksfall, ein Mord, ein Sturz,
Ein Blitz, ein Sturm, ein Weltkrieg - kurz,
Was Erde, Wasser, Luft und Feuer
In sich birgt, ist nie ganz geheuer.
Der Mensch, der so des Schicksals Macht
Ganz haargenau bei sich durchdacht,
Lebt lange noch in Furcht und Wahn
Und stirbt - und niemand weiß, woran.
From: Eugen Roth, Ein Mensch.
Fischer Verlag, Frankfurt am Main (Germany) 1995.
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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A Levaing Out, with some Doubt
Have you ever read Reiner Maria Rilke's poems written, at the direction of Rodin, in the Berlin Tiergarten (zoo, ie)? The onomatopaeia is beyond egregeous in its excellence and hardly to be translated, nor even imitated, though one might learn from it.
That said, my first thought here is stanzal breaks, however arbitrary (apparently lacking in the original) would make the reader more easily able to digest the content, if not full intention, of this piece.
More than that, I learnt eine kleine Deutsch as a youth, and comment on the translation you have made available for us here.
Originally we have an Epic Couplet form, which is lost in your translation*. Such, I would suggest, is vital and not to be lost. It may cost the translator some effort of mind and time in space to not do so, but I shall try (while at the same time not daring to suggest you attempt another translation), if only for the first few lines, by way of example.
I see predominantly 8 syllable lines. As Byron tells of in his introduction to "The Corsair", the difference an 8 syllable line and a 10 syllable is immense: one is swift, the other slow. For the most part, as things go.
So an 8 syllable line, in Epic Couplet form, so far as is possible and appropriate. On to meaning, and the guts of the translation - which I shall not in truth fully attempt. Here stanzal breaks shall arise more than naturally for me, drawing on your translation more than my German in doing so.
*You failed of the Epic C. in the first four lines only. Khool. (Why the hyphenated stomach?)
A man thinks it very shocking
That in his life could happening
Be to him, incidentals' send
Bringing his life to rapid end.
{end stanza 1}
I leave off there, if only because there you begin to manifest the E.C., saying I contemplated the semi-rhyme of "sent" for some time, before deciding on "incidental" in place of "accidental" and the possessive form thereof. Certainly I did not wish to include the indefinite article associate of the end, both that the form of the poem might reflect the subject matter more strongly, and that its flow go better, not with Coke, but the real thing at hand, the attempt to have the reader understand by all the forces at the poet's command, which includes lacuna.
Enough. The end.
For the translation I applaud, and again for the retention of form which I initially ignored.
Master Anarchy
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Bandits Auction #6
This interesting poem must be about someone who was deeply depressed or had lost someone very close tragically...If so, I can see how the fear of death constantly took over his thoughts...
An engaging write, nice rhyme, great translation, interesting theme and an impressive read
Thanks for adding to the Bandits Poetry Auction
~Lilac
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Bandits Auction #6
There are so many ways to find the end of life, that thinking about it is fruitless because we just never know.
"He's in good health - he'd still be doomed.
If he was always feeling well,
Always bein' as sound as a bell
Every day as right as rain -
There'd still be cars, and trams and trains!"
Nice lilting rhyme...great work, Poet -
Bandit Auction #6, Your Translation,
appears to be spot on. Fear can have great affect on the body. This offering reiterates the truth of that point completely.
Your energy expended in the translation was well worth the investment.
Best of Luck
Silent Hawk
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BANDITS AUCTION #6
Wow...to achieve a rhyme in two different tongues is quite a feat! Although I don't speak German, I did enjoy attempting to pronounce the version and savour the rhyme as well as the English translation.
Very impressive, given the gulf between the two languages, and I say again ~ WOW!
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BANDITS AUCTION #6
Wow sweet daughter this is amazing. I can so relate to worrying all the time I have General Anxiety Disorder a pretty severe case so I worry all the time to the extreme about everything. It is very evident that he worried himself to death. Wonderful imagery and emotion thanks for sharing, love and hugs Mom
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Bandit's Auction #6
I can read/speak German and I think your translation of the original poem is very good. I like the meaning of the poem. Great job.
~Titia~
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bandits auction #6
it is an interesting piece. this is so interesting to see side by side a poem in its original tongue and the translation into English. thank you for sharing this. keep writing poet! God bless you always
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Bandit Auction #6
I've already comment on this most interesting translation. Well Done !
I just wanted to wish you well in the poetry auction.
Dennis
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Bandits Auction #6
This is a really amusing poem, very well done with the rhyme and the feel of it - I like the incredulity of the ending
I think that is the right word 
an enjoyed read!
Keep writing
Polly
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BANDITS AUCTION #6
Congratulations on the rhyming translation of this poem. I am sure it must be difficult to both translate and rhyme as well.
The humor is in the irony. Well done!
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Bandsit Auction 6
It is an interesting piece. One never knows why some get sick and die and others get better. Good luck to you in the auction. -
BANDITS AUCTION#6
I didn't realize that we had so much to contend with and worry about, but then to die "and no one knows why" is not very well thought out considering his thoughts on the matter, very interesting. -
Very well done. Speaks to the basic soul of a basic truth. No matter where the mind wanders, the end is inevitible. We are born dying and rail against the injustice in something forced upon one.
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This is so interesting to see side by side a poem in its original tongue and the translation into English. Although I have no working knowledge of German it is curious seeing this gutteral sounding language in print, I don't know if my tongue could make the sounds found in German, but it is great fun to listen to, and guess at what is being said it being such a highly expressive language. Thanks for sharing this translation, well done.
Dennis
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I really enjoyed this,and thats surprising because I don't usually like this kind of poetry, but this had a different quality, written in a very straightforeward way, a good true to life gutsy sort odf a read, I really liked it well written stuff, thanks, and thanks so much for your very kind comments too littlefishone
Oh and good luck in the contest
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Thank you!
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Hey there - great work
On first reading the English version, I thought you would like to play in the same ballroom as John Donne. On finding the German original is by Eugen Roth, however, I was the more astonished for I daresay I know quite some of Roths comical/witty/philosophical works IN GERMAN. But I don't remember them as serious as they read to me in your English version (although, to me, Donne was a great master of laughter, love and decay at the same time). Unnecessary to say, I find your above poems deeply moving. Hugs etc. Götz
PS. Oh, and on the rhyming couplets: I think it's the formal strictness you could find on a typical carnival session/ Fasnachtssitzung - not only the Germans around know what I mean - that seems to contradict the serious content of the poems. But that's being reinvented every year in the fifth season, isn't it?
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nice poem. thank you for entering.
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maybe he died because his heart couldn't take the constant worry about fear...worry induced angina or something. Very interesting and it kept my interest. Thank you for entering.
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Great writes cuz
xxx Judie xxx
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Thanks!
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What a great effort! I am going to rely on your translation of words because you are far superior in your skills; the only thing I noticed is Blutkreislauf, which I think is more like "circulation" than just plain old "bloodstream".
The two pieces read very differently from each other - the literal sounds so serious and the rhymed version sounds humorous! Since Germans rhyme everything, I can't tell the intent of the original poet, though it does seem like a humorous piece to me and I would have read it that way. That is the problem with humor being lost in translation - so if that was his intent, that this stay humorous, only your rhyming poem works to that effect. The vocabulary is simple enough that I don't think you lose anything from the literal translation, either.
Maybe I will look at this with a more critical eye again depending on your response.
Keep up the good work!
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"Germans rhyme everything" - this made me laugh but I think it's quite true...
But still, the German sounds humorous because of the rhyme. Someone read this as an introduction to a sermon at my church and everyone thought it was hilarious, that's where I got to know this poem.
I think it's rather satirical.
There are a few poetic devices he uses which make it so funny/satirical. In particular, those are accumulatios, hyperboles and the rhyming couplets.
"Da an den Tod doch stündlich mahnen
Kraftfahrer, Straßen-, Eisenbahnen;"
e.g. "stündlich" is a hyperbole (obviously)
I don't know why, but rhyming couplets usually make poems sound humorous. And I agree this is the case in this poem. Also, that's what I was taught at school.
I posted the literal translation in the author notes for comparison.
What I tried to accomplish was a translation/English version that is as similar to the German as possible while still keeping the rhyming scheme.
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment!
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