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Unfurl

I, I feel a poem trying to unfurl out of me but I can't quite grasp it
It's spilling over the top trying to find its way out but I still can't comprehend him
It's almost like a boat leaving me out in the middle of the ocean to swim
And I know the best poems have to come from the center of your heart
I can feel him.
And if I could just understand the outcome would be beautiful
However yet I still fear that if I unleash the power now... the light will go dull
I need to get it out.
Before the though of it bursts my mind.
My heart.
My soul.
Me.
What is it that I cannot understand?
I need to get the thought of you out
I need to be free.
Will you start making sense before I run out of paper?
What is it about you that makes my heart dance?
And why won't you leave me no matter how many times I've asked?
The words. They'll prance.
Around the paper. Like a fire that's been masked.
And he won't let me get an ounce of sleep.
As meaningless words flood my brain.
And I know I'm falling in too deep.
And the strength to pull myself out it is too much of a strain.
I spot the pencil finally taking the life of her own.
Pages of a notebook turning.
Thoughts being spilled.
And the words - they moan
Shining with each discovery, each meaning

The plague has been killed.

And then it leads me to wonder
Why were you there in  my mind in the first place?
Even though I do know t he answer
The thought is not yet gone.
It lingers.
And I rest my case.
You were spilling to get out and I set you loose.
I've made a discovery without a doubt.
I'm never going to be free.
I've let the lights on my common sense go dim.
Because the words have spoken truthfully.

I love him.

Author notes

Okay okay. So I wrote this when I was venting at like 4 am in the morning.
It's still unedited. So there's a lot of rough spots.
It's straight out of the journal if you know what I mean.
Comments please.
Criticize like you've never before.
Be as harsh as you can.
I take every word with appreciation.
Thank you.
*Bows*

Well I have to add this now: Mitsuki-Sakura
Just to follow the rules C:

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • whispernthedark Greeters member
    September 6, 2008

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    I like the idea of this. I don't really think any suggestions need to be made, it is a unique write. Thank you for entering the contest, good luck.

    ♥
    whisper


  • aanika
    August 28, 2008

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    'And the words - they moan
    Shining with each discovery, each meaning

    The plague has been killed.'

    your descriptions are fabulous.
    thanks for entering & good luck.

  • piccola silver member
    August 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    you describe writing poetry just the way it happens! It is a strain and does seem to come out with a moan when we have writer's block. But then, when it rains it pours! Nice job and thank you for the entry.


  • SilverWolf
    August 20, 2008

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    critic....
    well i dont understand why you say him in the poem.
    but other than that its pretty good
    but i think your talking about a guy
    and you said that it is a rough draft. how long have you been writing poetry?


    • Mitsuki-Sakura
      August 20, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      How long? Oh I don't know. Maybe 2 or 3 years. But I don't write it a lot. o.O Just whenever the feeling comes. =]

      Oh and when I say "him" it's like giving the poem a life of his own. The poem is a person. As the pencil is. I don't know why I did that honestly. It just happened. It was one of those "venting" moments where all creativity and stupidity come out at the same time. C:


  • WakingRose
    August 19, 2008

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    i like this poem! it is different than other poems that I've read, its unique! I like how it is describing how you can't quite get what you want to say on paper because that is how i feel sometimes! good work!

1 - 7 of 7