That girl’s eyes emotional
They were someday long ago
With rivers of water drowning,
In a sewer or a bathroom sink.
Pervade and flood them both
Was what her eyes seemed to want
Yet they had been forced.
Her insides had been smouldering,
Also steaming into a never ending path,
A pattern repeated constantly
With corollaries which were not familiar
As the eyes were innocent, naïve,
As sensitive as a frail new born.
But now, her eye caps are burning
With tears forgotten,
Ruddy, their beauty of nature
Peeling off, dissipating.
And her guts are morsels
Of flames transmuted into ashes;
A greyish texture of ongoing growth,
Resting as the ticks go on
As so does the heart,
It can hold no more,
Simply breaking free of the chains.
At this present instance,
What lies above, is yet again denied,
All is now like a photograph
No transition ever,
No tick is crossing by and her eyes
No longer open to expression;
Cold like a snowball,
Solid like a block of ice
In the Atlantic or the North Pole,
Thus returning colourless,
Whitish like a ghastly ghost,
Expressing nothing,
Though solitariness can be sensed
And austerity no longer present,
Though deep down it’s the main source,
The one that instigated such bleakness,
Emptiness in her dejected world
Of nothingness that lays today,
In her fruitless, meaningless day.
Still, her lonesome hours are chock-full,
With one thought; that of reaching the end
And leave a final trace
Of eyes dying out in the midst of space…
Author notes
bah-humbug
A contest entry
- Pick Your Own by Broken-Bones.
450 points, ended September 20, 2008, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Without Rules by reckless abandon.
900 points, ended September 6, 2008, 113 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - To all those rejected poems!!! Come and Take Refuge!!! by No longer in use.
600 points, ended October 21, 2008, 30 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Share your poems with me by trekkergirl.
550 points, ended November 6, 2008, 174 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Tell out your soul... by Hannie.
600 points, ended October 29, 2008, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Gold for Gold by echo-ink.
900 points, ended January 7, 45 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrites. by dieu..
601 points, ended July 6, 184 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Holy Depressioness.
This was chock-full of it.
The metaphor in this was awesome, although soooo dark and black.
Thanks for entering. -
wow great write thanks for entering. Such a joy to read. Good luck!!
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This is a very interesting write. Kind of depressing tho if I understand it right. I can however see why it won a trophy congrats on that by the way. Thanks for sharing this with us and thanks for entering this in my contest.
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This is pure brilliance. I was in extreme shock of how wonderfully excellent this was. The best the best the best!!! So powerful in it's feeling I felt like crying. But i'm a boy... I only yell.... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! THIS IS SO AWESOME!!! That's better. Truly a masterpiece. Bravo!
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1 word -> astonishing....especially as I felt like I could relate with this poem. I love the way you write and how you manage to capture exactly those feelings of sadness and sometimes even lost hope, great work once again.
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This had a darkness that comes from the mountain full of emotion that you put in to this piece. It is really easy to feel the sadness and I thought you really created the feeling of being delicate through lines such as "As sensitive as a frail new born". You description is also really good and you create some great images especially focused around the eyes. Great job and thanks for entering x
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This is marvelous. There's so much emotion seeping from the page and into the heart it's almost over-whelming. You've done a wonderful job here... Thank you for sharing and keep up the good work.
[[♥]] -
My favorite part of this was how each stanza had a different feel to it. Thanks for entering and good luck.
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wow!
this is long... but it was very very good!
i like your descriptions and your emotions ran deep in your words! great piece, deep and touching! keep penning!
~RANJI
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beautiful piece very well written, thanks for entering and best of luck xx
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Wow my friend the vocabulary that you expressed in this poem is far superior to my own. This poem what can i say about it? Only one thing I can think of, and thats the fact that its just spectacular!
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again you have a wonderful sense of vocabulary. this piece reminded me a bit of how it is said you can see someones soul through their eyes and not only did you describe how empty her eyes were, to me it seemed like you described how empty her soul is and both were very powerful. at least thats what i interpreted. wonderfully done
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