We blinked in couplets
and talked in verse
then during our poetic séances
we underestimated the power of our past
and what it does to the present.
I ate a green apple today
and I was so blindly glued to your irises
I didn’t notice the rot of your soul
and like the apple, I ate it all in
not understanding that I was sickening myself.
Today I feverishly spoke into the receiver
hoping to hear your voice reply
but all I heard was
‘click click drop’
as it fell out of your hands.
I was distraught by the blurring noises from the other side,
I couldn’t figure out whether I was delusional
or you really didn’t want to speak to me
so I hung up.
I hung up my love
but I was still hung up on you.
For the next couple days you mercifully left me alone
I was able to gather my scrap-paper thoughts
and organize them back into my mind
but I knew, that when you came back
my life would be disrupted once again
and I wouldn’t be able to think about the future.
Luckily for me, a rain storm delayed your arrival
I was able to barricade myself
and build up a fortress in my room,.
Maybe it would stop you from entering
but as soon as that little golden doorknob twisted
I knew, that nothing was stopping you.
I finally figured out your only weakness;
that you were always unable to bear me
when I was completely in control,
so like a soldier I’ll stand steadfastly
rooted in my own judgement
while you waver in the wind.
Author notes
thunder.xx.paradise
tuesday: write how you're feeling.
In a list
A contest entry
- Are you up for a challenge? by innocence jaded.xx.
4200 points, ended September 8, 2008, 72 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Brilliant!
that was pure poetry! That was amazing from the beginning straight to the end.
I hung up my love
but I was still hung up on you.
That and the opening lines really caught me. Brilliant!
"Masquerade"
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It deserved the gold. It'd better get the gold in the new contest (:
Amazing write, fantastic imagery.
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Wow. This poem is beautifully written. Most amazing job. I love your use of adjectives and your use of word inversion. Beautiful.
I ate a green apple today
and I was so blindly glued to your irises
I didn’t notice the rot of your soul
and like the apple, I ate it all in
not understanding that I was sickening myself
My favorite stanza. I love how you compared the apple to this person. How you put all the words together in a way that complimented the whole stanze. Nicely done.
I hung up my love
but I was still hung up on you
This is the word inversion I spoke of. I love how you twisted the word 'hung' into a double meaning like this back to back. It's only two lines, but it's amazing all together.
I was able to gather my scrap-paper thoughts
This adjective 'scrap-paper'... Amazing. The concept of scrap-paper thoughts is mind blowing. Literally. Great choice of words here.
Great poem overall. Well written. Much better than any of the poems I entered in this contest. You deserve to be one of the finalist. Good job and good luck.
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wow thanks so much for the comment
im glad you liked it
goodluck to you too!
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Wowww, dear. This is incredible. I think this is one of my favorites by you. I'm serious :] haha, I loved everything about it. The format, how you compared everything so beautifully, and everything you wrote just suited the poem so wonderfully. You seem to put me in awe every time, my dear My favorite parts were probably:
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I ate a green apple today
and I was so blindly glued to your irises
I didn’t notice the rot of your soul
and like the apple, I ate it all in
not understanding that I was sickening myself.
...
<.<.that was me when I read those lines. Wow. Worded perfectly. & I can relate so well 
-I hung up my love
but I was still hung up on you.
...
Loved how you wrote that. Beautiful. Keep it up, love =) ♥ -
We blinked in couplets
and talked in verse
then during our poetic séances
we underestimated the power of our past
and what it does to the present.
WOW.
I did not know you could write like that.
LOVE it though !
but um, emu...
seance |ˈsāˌäns|
noun
a meeting at which people attempt to make contact with the dead,
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silly aanika
i know what seance means
i wouldnt use a word and not know what it means hahaa
or i mite.. lmfao
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... may I remind you of the 'bondage' incident?
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slash.
yea. -
LOLLLL
but i knew what meant
i just used it in a different context
and since you have a dirty mind [alogn with most other ppl]
i was forced to change it so people wouldnt think i was a sex slave. -
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ooooookay.
whatever you say.
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