Sadness engulfs my heart
Like a Boa constrictor.
Winding itself round it’s prey,
While crushing it to death.
Unhappiness crushing me
With it’s pythonic force
My anemic soul is being
Swallowed by an anaconda.
A contest entry
- Make me smile, make me cry, make me horny. . . . Anything goes by Childofserenity.
500 points, ended August 23, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything – and something specific! by Beating.
425 points, ended September 3, 2008, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pre-writes, new poems, Anything by Mirrored.in.faith.
525 points, ended September 24, 2008, 104 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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The use of snakes in this poem worked incredibly well. While reading this I visualised a clear image of snakes moving and "winding itself round it's prey" as you so very well wrote. Except it should be "its" instead of "it's". Small error, though it occurs twice in your piece. Other than that, your piece is short, but very affectful. Good job!
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I like your direction. the use of snakes, i would just go back to it and change it up some. it feels a little repetive and i would consider a re-title. dont be so blunt when its about a certain thing.
But thank you for entering.
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