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Your Final Gift

You rub pepper into my eyes,
leaving me blind
to anything but pain.
Trying to imagine your face,
stings and burns,
but what hurts the most
is that you meant to hurt me.
Nevertheless this is your last (unintentional) favour,
because without you
this world is not worth seeing.

Author notes

prompt: blind
less than 50 words.

In a list

A contest entry

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • word20dragon
    September 16, 2008

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    Ouch

    This poem speaks volumes of pain and hurt I don't know if it was a woman or a man that hurt you but man you can feel the pain the agoney with the pepper rubed in the eyes. I had that happen belive me that was not a fun feeling.


  • Poetic-Theorem
    September 1, 2008

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    Wonderful

    Brilliant take on the prompt
    I love the following choice of words...
    "Nevertheless this is your last (unintentional) favour,
    because without you
    this world is not worth seeing."
    Awesome!
    These lines really brings this piece home.
    Take care
    David



  • Pure Thought silver member
    September 1, 2008
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    Strongly written

    Pain can be a powerful poetic motivator, though I tend to write in all emotions.

    Buddy


  • sidereal silver member
    August 26, 2008

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    in to --> should be into.

    your take on the prompt is really well done. the imagery was amazing. i loved the first few lines.

    but what hurts the most
    is that you meant to hurt me.
    But this is your last (unintentional) favour,
    because without you
    this world is not worth seeing.
    ---
    i also loved that part
    especially the last two lines. they were used wonderfully to wrap up the poem.

    thanks for entering and goodluck

  • ChildOfRhiannon gold member
    August 22, 2008

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    Powerful words...and such candid emotion! I enjoyed this poem and felt it deeply. Best of luck in the contest!!!

    Az


  • ckwriter69
    August 21, 2008

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    good write, wow that would sting and burn but yet you find remorse and still have compassion for the one who hurt you. I like the strong lines you have chosen to point this out. Thanks for sharing your write and good luck in the contest.


  • Kiss the girl--x
    August 21, 2008

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    'But this is your last (unintentional) favour,
    because without you
    this world is not worth seeing.'

    I loved those lines, and the title, 'your final gift' I think they're something lots of people could relate to.

    Your imagery is also really strong in this, and I think thats what makes this such a strong piece

    ♥


  • A slave to passion gold member
    August 21, 2008

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    Reading your poem made me feel like it was written for so many people. We've all felt the sting of an uncaring friend or lover. The sadness I feel in this touches my heart taking me back to days I'd sooner forget. Very good job you drew me in making me feel a part of your story. Thanks, Boog
  • celadia
    August 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I find this scary, that a person who hurts someone so much could be considered indispensable. I only hope it isn't a true story and that you don't feel like that.

  • scenario five
    August 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    very sad. but I liked it.

    "because without you
    this world is not worth seeing."

    favorite lines.

    staygold.
    -jenn

1 - 10 of 10