behind
the barbed wire fence -
a softball
Author notes
Haiku
A contest entry
- Japanese Poetry by yukitosumi.
700 points, ended August 29, 2008, 25 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
-
This is a really fine write, Myron. Congrats on the gold... but more than that, congrats on writing this beauty. Always a pleasure to read your work.
Don
-
-
haiku
Thanks Don - nice to see that you like it. -
-
I always admire your work, Myron.
-
-
work
you even admire the ones i write which don't work? (LOL!) -
-
LOLLLL
ps... most of yours work just dandy...
-
-
-
-
-
this is great! It reminds me of growing up and playing with kids in the neighborhood, and what ended the day, haha.
-
-
kids
Thank you very much - nice to get your perceptions and memories. i appreciate them very much.
-
-
congrats Myron .... nicely done ... the haiku is excellent; great juxtaposition with lots of possible story lines ... nice nice >>> Gina
-
Congratulations on the trophy, Myron, and on another good haiku. Lovely contrast.
-
nicely penned . . says much for a short write . . liked "barbed wire" and "a softball" . . congrats on the trophy
-
Aha...a softball.How beautifully it has been contrasted with the barbed wire fence! It brings to my mind an ad i've watched on tv...but that is irrelevant here.It simply is beautiful not only as an image and a good example of the technique of contrast, but also the many lines of thoughts it opens up.
Best of luck!
-
-
soft
Thanks! Glad you saw that contrast there.
-
-
And I don't have a critique either. You make this hard my good friend myron, when you post these wonderful haiku poems and then expect a critique. I hate just saying pretties and I think there was only one time I ever had a problem with your haiku and it was quite awhile ago...I'm thinking the softball for an ending gives it that complete feeling, like it just is. Your words are effective without being showy and I think because of that, the haiku simply works. Another diamond in the catalogue of your allpoetry haiku book, I suppose.
;
-
-
book
Not an AP book of haiku - but yes - a book still the same. It's in process.
Thanks heaps. You're cool! -
-
A well deserved award I see was given to this.
Well you must send me the link to that book when it is finished...I will perhaps grab it right up.
You're pretty cool yourself.
-
He is VERY cool!!
-
-
-
Behind your eyes,
lies the brain I am surely going to have to surgically remove for my own taking.
LoL...me likes this mucho Myron. I like how it begins with 'behind'. And the softball thing...well, it sounds like it's been abandoned w/o you using biased words in the haiku.
Good luck
Jessica (:
-
I love this haiku. It is definitely one of the best in this contest thus far. It has, to me at least, so much of what a good haiku needs. It's simple, without descriptive language. It just is. It feels balanced between the lines with the amount of stresses used. It is even seasonal, reminiscent of the spring. Hell it even evokes Zen Buddhism. It is typically my policy to give a constructive criticism for contest entries but forgive me, I don't have one.
Best wishes,
El
Adding your comment:
1 - 18 of 18
