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Sky And Eye

Missing image



stipple, whipple, sky
holding up a startle of stunned birds
and my hopes,
like cotton cumulus clouds
sift across the eyelid
of blue





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Comments

1 - 5 of 5
  • strangerforeigner
    August 22, 2008
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    Well done, poet.


  • EvilKate
    August 20, 2008

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    Brilliant first line alliteration. The rest? - merely up to your usual, extremely high, standard


  • aanika
    August 19, 2008

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    I think using "eyelid" and "eye" in the same thirty word poem is overdoing it.
    also, I don't understand the use of stipple and whipple, but that's just me
    good luck!

    • CarolDesjarlais silver member
      August 20, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      that is fine..you are right about the "eye". I have taken it out. Ty for catching that.

      As you read and learn more about poetry, you will learn more about wordsmithing. Perhaps reading poets on my favorites might help you grasp this concept.

  • Rowan gold member
    August 19, 2008

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    perfect. Don't change a thing.

1 - 5 of 5