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Alone

The streetlights overhead quietly hum a never ending tune,
While the puddles loudly splash as the rain pelts them prudently.

The thunder crashes loudly like pots and pans falling ferociously,

While the subtle lightning thiefishly splits up the shattered sky.

 

A man cloaked within a navy blue hoodie walks slowly down this broken road,

Dragging his feet calmly through every cascading puddle.

Drenched by the relentless downpour, he continues to walk trudgingly through the rain.

The lightning strikes the clouds again, lighting up this man's soaked face.

 

On the long road of this empty highway bridge,

No cars, No people,

Just him. He's completely

                                                      Alone...

 

Walking away from something that's brought streaming tears to his eyes,

He's in no hurry to run from it, to get as far away from this, anytime soon.

Slowly walking, kicking at each individual puddle, slamming his foot into every reflection,

Breaking each horrid image of his broken heart, every reflection of his pitiful face.

 

The cymbols of the gods clash together once more with the slam of his foot against a puddle,

The last time he'll ever look at his face like this again,

Never again.

 

He pivots on his feet and begins to run for the edge of the bridge,

Running at full force as a cheetah to its prey, he's going overboard..

No one on this road to stop him, no one can keep him from the edge,

It's just him and the torturous rain together for one last time.

 

He's almost to the edge now, tears streaming down his solomn face,

The thunder and lightning strike simultaneously, stirring up the clouds visciously.

He's gets ready for the final sprint, his thoughts completely scattered,

As he digs his foot deep, slipping upon the last forsaken puddle,

His left shoulder crashes violently into the side railing.

 

Loudly sobbing, his agony and pain can be heard in the cries,

Halfway standing he hesitates upon getting up, and just jumping..

Silently sobbing now, he just falls upon the cement concrete sidewalk,

Slowly throwing his heavy head upon his quivering knees..

 

The rain relentlessly pours down on him,

Tears streaming down his face,

The now silent streetlights dim upon his visage,

He sits resolved on the ground,

All is silent for a single second,

Nothing is heard but a silent whisper,

 

                                        "He'll come for me... He'll come back for me..."

Author notes

ChunkyC
-Sunday (Late)

http://media.photobucket.com/image/alone%20in%20the%20rain/Raptress17/Emo%20and%20Goth%20Stuff/alone-in-the-rain.jpg?o=83

I kinda wrote a book lol. But I really do enjoy where this one ended up.

Hooray! I can write again!! ^_^

** I want to dedicate this poem to my best friend, the love of my life.
Many of you know him, just don't know you do. He is the person within all of my
poems, and this poem was written in the image of me, but completely inspired
by him. He's everything to me, and he really deserves this trophy for the inspiration
he gives me to write. I'd be nothing without him. :] **

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 14 of 14

  • justgot2loveme
    December 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is really good.
    very enjoyable read.
    you sure can tell a story.
    thanks for sharing and good luck.

    justgot2loveme


  • innocence jaded.xx
    December 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    8.8/10

    You know I'm a sucker for this poem lol; I'll stick to my former comment as of before. This is amazing, and definitely the best poem you've ever written. Just because it was written with so many pure emotions and your vocabulary was plain flat out astounding and it was all in all a brilliant piece of poetry.
    Welcome to the finalists♥


  • BleedingBlackTears
    November 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    well done very creative


  • catalyst.
    November 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    forgot to add these

  • catalyst.
    November 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I loved the imagery and metaphors in this that told such a beautiful story

    It had an unexpected ending. Which I loved, Great write:

  • atty-poet
    September 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love to encourage young people to write, but write well. I hate to be pedantic, but this is not really a poem at all, but a prose piece. No attention is paid to line breaks, pacing or sound, other than the page margin. I didn't see the contest rules, but did you get extra points for using the most adverbs? Look at the first four lines: you have six adverbs(all those "ly" words), one of them used twice ("loudly"). Adverbs "tell" rather than show emotion or effect, and should be used sparingly. I like the use of "thiefish", but thiefishly is not a word, and sounds awkward. I like the ambition in what this piece is about, but it needs to be trimmed down, tighter lines, way less adverbs, and don't try so hard to impress with language. Try to trust your youthful voice instead. Not every narrative prose piece can be, or needs to be, a poem. Write on.


  • MessedupMarionette
    September 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this was intense. Really powerful stuff. I love the ending. This is a really good poem. Somehow it seemed to have a certain meter or rhythm or something, but it was so subtle the reader barely notices it. The images were amazing, also. Wonderful, wonderful job.


  • Heartless Angel
    August 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is a very interesting poem. It's full of great description of scenery and situation. The idea of the man in the hoodie really intrigued me. How did you come up with the idea for this? Very well written. Great job.

    "The cymbols of the gods clash together" ~my favorite line

    Blessings,
    Lilly


    • ChunkyC
      August 23, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      The idea for this came from the idea of me. Before my boyfriend and I broke up, he used to always let me wear his navy blue Led Zeplin hoodie. And it was my favorite thing in the world. So me walking away in the highway, I decided I'd want to be wearing his hoodie since the whole poem is all alluded back to him and our relationship.


  • mamajoey
    August 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    well written. makes you wonder things...


  • scenario five
    August 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "Breaking each horrid image of his broken heart, every reflection of his pitiful face."

    favortie lines.

    I liked it. I also liked the simile with pots and pans in it. really great.

    the way you write reminds me of the way a friend of mine talks- and writes for that matter. XD

    very good.

    staygold.
    -jenn


  • aanika
    August 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow.

    Walking away from something that's brought streaming tears to his eyes,
    He's in no hurry to run from it, to get as far away from this, anytime soon.
    Slowly walking, kicking at each individual puddle, slamming his foot into every reflection,

    -- slamming his foot into every reflection . that is AMAZING.
    LOVELOVELOVE it.
    good luck in the contest !

  • innocence jaded.xx
    August 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Ohkay, so WOW. I am in complete awe right now. This is definitely my favorite poem of yours :] It was so powerful & full of so much emotion & flawless imagary and just wow. Bro, this was absolutely beautifully written, and I loved how you wrote it so metaphorically, as well. I have a lot of favorite parts, well actually, there was not ONE weak point of this poem, so I'd just end up copying & pasting the whole poem in this little comment =) Incredible. Incredible. INCREDIBLE. That's all I can really say because you totally captivated me from the very first line. You portrayed that picture so wonderfully. Keep it up, bro. This was just wow. ♥

    • ChunkyC
      August 19, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Haha! Thanks sooo much sis. I put SOOO much into this poem. I really really wanted it to be amazing. I can really tell it worked. :] Thanks for the beautiful comment. <3

1 - 14 of 14