A porceilin sculpture
wrapped in fine white clinging satin
her slim and perfect body
posed in beauty
she stands on one leg
the other bent at her calf
a rose at her left ear
one at her right hip
a statue in lovely pose
her arms slightly bent above her head
pointing to the jealous stars
she was made to dance
to love
she was alive once
had all the dreams
and love ...
was just beyond her finger tips
now she's just on this tiny stage
a portrait frozen
waiting for the music box to play
a simple song
to give her life again
to the dance of life
spinning in small circles
the music will end
she'll dance in half-light
she'll dance in the dark
she'll dance just for you
we all dance on this stage
A contest entry
- Lost Love or Friendship by piccola.
450 points, ended August 21, 2008, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Charles, I'm going to sound a couple of notes of caution here. Firstly, check your spelling before posting - it always pays. Secondly, when writing unpunctuated poetry (particularly free verse like this) watch out for phrases which would otherwise have punctuation in them - I'm thinking of fine, white, clinging satin which, in normal orthography, would have the adjectives separated by commas, as inserted here by me. When such a thing comes along, try to separate by line-breaks, or by some other device.
OK, criticism over. Superficially just straightforward description, but underlying it is a subtle metaphor. It has a lot going for it as a poem.
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This is a beautiful and well written poem. I truly enjoy the beginning lines, describing the ballerina as a porceilin sculpture.
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lol
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this is beautiful! bringing the tiny sculpture to life and giving her a purpose and relating her to everyone who's ever been in love and lost it. Wonderfully done! I can't wait to read more of your work!
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Its truly beautiful
I really enjoyed your talent. And your words, as we danced together word by word. Thanks for sharing
LISA
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oh. i finally got here, and oh, what a beautiful poem to find. this is extraordinary. i knew when i read your author page that you were going to be someone i'd want to read more of. thank you so much for visiting my poetry....it led me here to you. Love, Lane
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The vividness of the music box dancer is so real as you with imagery of pen tell about her here..Not only do you tell all about her, but her heart and spirit seem to come forth in this lovely write...Magnificently done!
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Wow, this is touching and so lovely in its description, great!
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lovely write. I have also written of music boxes only my writes rhyme 'cause that seems to be what I do the best. thank you very much for entering.
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Nice write. Like how you developed the metaphor all poem and then tied it into all of us at the last line. Best of luck in the contest.
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Thank-You
Thank-you for sharing this wonderful poem. Best wishes in this contest. Truely a wonderful poem.
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