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Questions in Clouds


azure breath tread walkways
of silent self-reflection



porous window;
clouds shaped foreshadowing
along the bareback saddle
of a marshmallow horse



I rode its question all the way
home.


A contest entry

Critical Review Desired.

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • etoile
    August 22, 2008

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    the imagery in this is wonderful!

    azure breath tread walkways
    of silent self-reflection
    ---
    porous window;
    ---
    i loved those lines.

    and the last line was a real powerful finish to the poem

    thanks a lot for entering


  • aanika
    August 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    of a marshmallow horse



    I rode its question all the way
    home.

    I read the first half of the poem thinking "oh the imagery is beautiful but it's nothing special" then I read the last line and it hit me in the face.
    wonderful.
    good luck!


  • Amera gold member
    August 19, 2008

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    I love the abstract imagery in this little poem. You have taken the reader into your thought process in a flowing verse that sticks in our mind. I read this several times simply because I like it.

    Love,
    Amera♥


  • Topaze gold member
    August 19, 2008

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    Ah this was great and brought a smile to my face. "marshmallow horse". Great! My best wishes always.


  • Reptile Lady gold member
    August 19, 2008

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    Perfect image shaped in this wonderful light poem.
    The ending took me into another place far away from the dullness of home.
    Best wishes my nephew
    Much love
    Auntie xx


  • notorious
    August 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Hmm.

    I don't like the word 'azure' as much as I used to.
    Maybe I'm just flighty right now. That's probably it.

    "silent self-reflection"
    I think 'silent' is a bit of an obvious & boring adjective here...I do love the hyphen in between 'self-reflection'. I mean, I think we all do that when we least want to.

    "porous window"
    Now 'porous'...awesome adjective here...you brought this window to zitty life my friend...ahaha.

    "clouds shaped foreshadowing"
    The first thought when I saw 'foreshadowing' was "four shadowing"...like wordplay. I think that wordplay would've been cool. Maybe.

    "bareback saddle/of a marshmallow horse"
    How...kick-ass. Love the saddle-&-horse themes.

    I like that ending, though I can't help but feel I've heard it somewhere before...or maybe I reread the line and thought I read it somewhere.

    Good luck

1 - 6 of 6