In between the day and night
There comes a time, it's twilight
And in this time things occur
Thought impossible to endure
Watching, waiting
Hesitating,
Near and far
Today tomorrow
A contest entry
- Quickie~ 30/30/24 by SuicidalLover.
600 points, ended August 22, 2008, 15 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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This spoke truth to me while reading, made me think and put a smile on my face. The way this played out was splendid.
~Kystal Angel
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I liked the way you started with rhyme but was interested as to why you decided to lose that slightly at the end, I feel it works well though. I also liked your opening stanza as that really captured the prompt. Your ending was also really good, it seemed different from the rest of the poem and felt those last fleating thoughts before the sun finally disappears. The only thing I would say is that a bit punctuation may give the reader a little guidance on how to read it, but I only know because I do that often myself. Still Great Work and best of luck in the contest x
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