and as I convinced myself
that you were different
my breath clashed
with each masochistic minute
and I quietly swore forever
your claws reached out between each letter
those days-- not even words could make me feel better
I didn't mean to sound hurried or rushed,
I didn't mean to rhyme..
but of all things I wanted
I knew I'd never have time.
The words were tar, black against my tongue
unraveling themselves
like woolen stories come undone
if I could find the way to say it-
if I could
fit into one simple poem
maybe you would have stayed..
maybe
just maybe
if you would have known..
Author notes
I HATE how I can only rhyme lately. =[
sorry this is so BLEH. great promp though
A contest entry
- The letter that never arrived. by withoutlove13.
450 points, ended August 27, 2008, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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you write differently...
i don't see this all that often. i was not this agile and willing to strip down .... i am 27 and just now am i fluent in this tongue. you are different.
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thank you. really. so much.
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its really not that blah hun in fact its extreamly honest and when were honest in our poems i feel thats our soul trying to escape that way. your soul is all over this one and i appreicate you opening up. i know sometimes we rhyme without meaning to and thats ok! you know why? because it only works when its not forced. you did good hun keep at it and i promise you one day you'll feel more satisfied
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i know how you feel
i feel like im stuck in a rut where anything and everything that comeout of me latley has to ryhme
but even then its just slight rhyme...
and this is what i think happened here..
and i dont think there is anythin wrong with that...
[as much as im sure you hate it]
i hate rhyming too
in any case this was a good poem
and soemthimes you just have to take what can come out at the time...
and the good thing is that what came out was really good...
and this was an amazing prompt
who doesnt have that kind of problem right?
[and btw if i did inspire you as you said then thank you]
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with each masochistic minute
and I quietly swore forever
your claws reached out between each letter
those days-- not even words could make me feel better
i love you girlie.
rhyme or not, you are always spectacular.♥
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I thought it was very good whether you were rhyming or not. I think every poet goes through that rhyming stage( I know I went through it) But this was expressive and honest and I think sometimes that's all a poem needs. Sometimes you don't have anything to prove so it just works. -Jane
Fave lines:
my breath clashed
with each masochistic minute
and I quietly swore forever
your claws reached out between each letter
those days-- not even words could make me feel better
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that was really good it wasnt bleh dont sell yourself short you did great. It really portrays how you felt. good luck in the contest
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that was phenomenal.
<3
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lacking the final point i wish i could give u three applause, by the gods you deserve it!
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this is amazing
rhyme or not!
the wording you used is brilliant
best of luck in the contest
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haha.it wasnt bleh!
my breath clashed
with each masochistic minute
and I quietly swore forever
incredible. thank you for entering =]
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1 - 11 of 11
