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Reflecting Images

Waters raging, ripples dance beneath wild trees,
coldness soars through each small tide against dry land.
Visions  caught branches swaying within life's breeze,
viewed from beneath, fish swarm  in great demand. 

Winds start picking up, smooth rivers now shifting,
traveling north than  south, feeling night then day.
Times where its cold, sun rise becomes uplifting,
each wave finally calms, scents join natures play.

Sunk low beneath all, riverbanks on both sides,
slowly between, warmest ripples flow wide spread.
Flowers dance, branches sway, beauty in tides,
amongst  evenings moon light, reflections bled.

Moonlight kisses these waters, its vision clear,
misty shadows peak through, reflecting all near.

Author notes

"POW" Prompt: I am the waters, watching the worlds beauty fly by.

.................please read every Rule carefully -



* Place Theme or Topic in Authors' Notes -

* Place *POW Contest* in your Authors' Notes -

* No Editing After A Judge Has Touched Your Work -

* CAPPING every line is NOT allowed, unless required -

* Do NOT use the Filler Words, *the, and, is, of, that, to* -



A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • Swan song gold member
    August 24, 2008

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    you truly pen some lovely lovely stuff and this is no exception!!! Well done. I love the flow. You write the kind of poetry that just smooths along I like that


  • Griswold silver member
    August 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh, this is a bautiful piece of work sweetheart, I see ALL the judges liked it as well. Very well done. I love you baby...Scott


  • trista gold member
    August 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hi there and welcome back to the POW!

    As noted by my co-judges, this is one of the most lovely entries we've seen in quite a while. I'm not a big fan of the font because it is a bit difficult to read, but I also think it's fitting for the subject.

    Bear seems to have caught most of the little tweaks I too would have suggested, but in addition to those:
    "Times where its cold," "Where"...or "when"?
    In L3, "branches swaying"
    L11, "branches sway"
    L12 mentions "moon light" ...seems like this too should be one word...
    The following line has "moonlight" again...
    L12 and L14..."reflections" and "reflecting"
    L4 and L9 both have "beneath"...
    Try not to repeat uncommon words and phrases...which make much of this seem repetitive...when really, the thoughts...IMO...are different...yet I don't feel like I was taken anywhere...more like a description of a painting than of a living, moving river...if (hopefully) that makes sense...?

    Outside of those few things, very little I can critique. I'm anxious to see how this does on my scoreboard...it's one of my favorites in this PO, so hopefully those few deductions won't make a huge difference...but try to remember, for next time...to look over your work closely for those little tweaks that can make such a big difference.

    It's good to see you in a PO contest and I hope you're doing well these days...Thanks so much for a beautiful entry, and good luck!

    Best wishes,
    ~J.
    P.S. Remember...no editing once a judge has commented...until after trophies have been awarded...


  • aboomer silver member
    August 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I'm not sure I've seen you come through these contests before...so...'welcome'

    Lovely, lovely. I personally like your title - especially with the tag of 'nature'. Gives me a nice, peaceful feeling even before I click on it.

    Your theme is not that uncommon, however your creativity with this theme is excellent. Wonderful wording and images make this a pleasure to read. The font is fitting for this, and lovely also - but a little hard on the eyes....but I think if you increased the font size, that would be better....lol..

    I thought the flow was good, neat presentation, spelling and punctuation also looked good and rules followed nicely (other than 1 word which snuck in between the riverbanks...lol).
    This will score high on personal appeal - it's very
    lovely.


    ** No editing once a judge has commented.
    My scores will appear with final remarks. Best to you in the contest!



  • Arkbear gold member
    August 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Nice meter BTW....Love the Sonnets

    4th L is off a meter -

    3rd S...3rd L is off a meter -

    3rd S....4th L is off a meter -

    I am a Freak when it comes to keeping same meter.....do....or don't

    Bear ~


  • NeonRose
    August 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hi, and welcome to the POW!

    Absolutely beautiful, and there's not much else to say.

    I did have a bit of a problem with that font, but..old eyes are my problem, not yours.

    IMO, the title doesn't do the write justice. I was sure I was going to rad a poem about a mirror..what a pleasant surprise I got!

    I saw a couple of small errors, but Bear seems to have covered those already..in fact, just cut and paste his comments here...**

    My scores will appear with final remarks. Best to you in the contest!

    Remember, no editing once a judge has commented!

  • Starz of Heaven gold member
    August 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hello I really enjoyed this piece everything about it was perfect to me very nicely written the flow just wonderful I love nature and you showed
    me a movie in slow motion this is a great read for me my score will appear at the end of the contest goodluck to you much love always


  • Arkbear gold member
    August 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Hello Tory

     

    Gosh, what an exquisite write this week.....hard to hold on to all of your thoughts, as you moved me around like a puppet.......and you controlled your Reader........this is so very hard to do.....yet.....you did it so magnificently

     

    Yes, the Font is clever....and pertty, but allllllmost a tad too much for a good Flow ~

     

    *( My ) waters rage...rippling dance beneath wild trees,

    coldness soars through each small tide against ( your ) dry lands.* ~

     

    You must keep personification in place....perse' your AN ~

     

    Rhyme scheme is so perfect....did not even notice it at first

    *traveling north than  south*.....*then* south?

     

    *where ( it's ) cold ~

    *sunrise* is one word

    One of the prettiest entries I have read a very long time

     

    Nothing else to suggest or critique here.....good luck and God bless you!

     

    Bear ~

     

    Title   9.0...I would not want to click on this Title unless I wanted to read about this genre -

    Flow   9.95....meter is basically perfect....and sooo smooth, only Font issues -

    Depth   9.7....good depth....wanted more..25 line Max is not used   -

    Theme   9.85..great Theme.read similiar, but your approach is superb...enlightening -

    Feelings   9.85...grat job....watch out for loss of personification -

    Grammar   9.9....nice job.....reach deeper next time for unusualness in grammatical choices -

    Presentation 9.9....not really a fan of all quatrains..or this Font..leaves flow slowing me down....way to be creative though! -

    Uncommonness  9.6...nice....but looking for more creativity -

    Sit & Ponder Affect  9.8...I did ponder, but more-so about your write itself -

    Ability to follow Rules  10...prefect from what I can tell, except one filler word -

    Bears Score:  97.55

    Very nice

    No editing once a Judge has touched your work ~


  • cricketjeff gold member
    August 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Delicious sonnet and a real treat to read. Great poetry.




  • Swangrnv gold member
    August 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Great work

    Beautiful imagery. very nicely put together my friend, much in the contest.

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