Wills collapse
throwing dreams
on my fingertips
as though
we were playing catch
on stilettos -
balancing on distractions
that spin disasters.
Acid spills backwards,
filling gaps in reveries
where I willfully removed
you.
Contagious;
flaws formed constantly,
flattering down-talked reflections
as failures unfolded -
unfaltered in scorn.
Forlorn reminiscence
objected to surface
when flames were disinterred
and plastered my face.
Contented to chisel
courageous commitment
& succumb to completion
fulfilled by the rest.
You ask my desires,
rejecting my needs
as I fall
in deficits, still lacking
myself.
Author notes
I don't know if
you is me
or
I is me
but that
I am all,
and perhaps
nothing as well.
- Chandni
In a list
A contest entry
- Sorry: Invitation Only by Amera.
8000 points, ended August 20, 2008, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything you want by whispernthedark.
745 points, ended August 22, 2008, 42 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Now you tell me:
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
-
"as failures unfolded -
unfaltered in scorn."
I love the word play on that. And you know what else I've noticed? You're awesome at line-breaks. Some people might think/say it's too much at some points, but they don't get the aesthetics of it. I totally do and I love it!
I liked the ending too- almost like you give so much of yourself to everyone that there's never anything left for you. (to make it obvious or makeme look idiotic) Love joo 
Jeanette*~
-
The opening and closing stanzas are my favorite. The ones that hurts us only fill desires and not the needs, and you get so caught up in that haze that you don't realize the destruction. Great write, thank you for entering the contest. Good luck.
♥
whisper
-
I think I like this version better
its more personal
-
I was not the only judge for my contest and this poem deserves special recognition. The least I can do is put an Amera gold on it.
-
-
Thank you
-
-
I loved this extremely emotive piece. Thank you so much for the fine entry in our contest.
It starts in the world of expectations, moves to the world of disappointments, then back to the world of expectations. It is always the interplay between these two worlds that causes scars. You have created a wonderful expression of this phenomena.
I am a little curious about the quote in the AN, as I believe the quote and the poem oppose one another. They are about alomst opposite perspectives. Is that what you were going for?
Thanks again.
-
-
That's what people are wondering. But the quote is about the poem
-
-
You are quite the writer yourself. I loved the way the imagery clarified itself, without being forceful. I did think perhaps there were parts that felt a little wordy, compared to the rest...But that could also very well be the fact that I am reading this in a different mind set than you. I love that ending though and how you express the self, lacking the me...Which was a very creative idea, really. I'm glad I stopped by your poem wall, before I eat my very late dinner at 9:34 at night.
;
-
-
Ergh. I've been having problems writing, lately. Or maybe just an emotional problem. Either way, I can't write for crap right now :
Bon apetite! -
-
I still loved this write, despite some of the awkward words used throughout. I'm thinking you just have to let it sit and come back later...That's what I usually do when something doesn't work quite right for me.
-
-
The wait is frustrating though
-
-
-
-
There was a time when I would have considered myself somewhere near an equal to your ability but you have now taken so many steps up that ladder that I can only gaze and hope.
I've read a whole lot of your work and this piece is your jewel in my crown ... for now, as i'm sure you will continue to progress and become even better, I'm just glad to have been here for some of the ride.
-
-
It's probably crazy how I decided to comment your poem while you were doing vice versa - but then insanity is sweet.
Most times, we just think that what we don't have is the best - other's is best. Right here, you and I, that's equality. The phrases are similiar - experience changes throughout - but once you have emotion, you remain king. Even in your own little world. And in the world I picture ... we're on the same step. Just the different journey .. but distance is the same.
And I'm not leaving - you're stayingfor the rest of the ride. Although, give me another comment that puts your self down and you'll have a kick.
-
-
-
-
When you tell me that you will write for a contest of mine I know that I can expect something spectacular and you certainly didn’t disappoint me with this poem. Each thought flows into the next with an original creativity that is so vivid the reader simply gets sucked into the passionate anger that you depict. You have used the poetic device of alliteration to speed and slow down the reader at your will. I can’t thank you enough for entering our contest with this world class poem.
Love,
Amera♥
-
-
To think I was going to dump the poem and write another ... makes your comment something very worthy
-
-
this is a skillful metaphoric conquest ... it is so simple in appearance, and the language so utterly unimposing, but all set in a kind of quirky rythmic
contemplation, that the reader is entirely seduced and charmed by the simplicity of its beaming lovliness as you hold it out in your hand for the reader to enjoy. this is very complex in its ambition, yet so easily attain by you that I cannot help but think you are entirely marvelous ... i have read your work before and have always thought that you were quite wonderful
three turtle seal for wonderfulness
-
-
That ges beyond flattering - thank you very much
-
-
You were good before but by reading through all your work you've absolutley blossomed in the time I've left this site and came back. You have a beautiful gift love
Jordanne -
-
You too - just dont lose it
-
-
Brilliant entrance and ending.
The two tie together with the melody of the in between.
I missed your writing.
I mean reading it, you have an ability to lift something from the reader - not only on the flow and capacity of what your words hold but just the precise capture.
I love it, as I seem to always.
It's not me, it's you.
& I love it.
♥
-
-
I might as well send the echo back to you
♥
-
-
this is amazing chandni
you have me beat
but like i really love the prompt you made for yourself and then the poem i laughed at the playing chase in stilettos, cause i would seriously do that
but good luck and good to see you write
Stephanie ♥
-
-
Oh, tis not a prompt.
Just a quote to fill empty space -
because there's nothing personal to tell
in a very personal write.
-
-
hehehe forgive my worn brain
if i have one that is! lol -
-
You definitely have one
-
-
how can you say that! lol
and hey how are you anyways?
-
-
-
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 27 of 27
