As rage boiled over and threatened to burn
those promises of old that faded away
worn dreams that drew breath, but never returned.
Each action affected from two hearts that yearned
for friendship and fortune that vowed to stay,
as rage boiled over and threatened to burn.
Mistakes met disaster, yet refused to learn
and the world grew in wonder...to dance, to sway
worn dreams that drew breath, but never returned.
Honesty was lent in care's voice, with concern
for a soul in the grip of evils at play,
as rage boiled over and threatened to burn.
And destiny screamed with hardships un-earned
as hopes hurried harms in nightmares, to sashay
worn dreams that drew breath but never returned.
Such warmth turned to grief as love's future was spurned
and the cold curse of truth led loyalty astray,
as rage boiled over and threatened to burn
worn dreams that drew breath, but never returned.
Author notes
A Villanelle
A contest entry
- The Beauty of a Villanelle by CitrineSunrise.
900 points, ended September 1, 2008, 11 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - BATTLE OF THE GOLDEN RHYMES by Swan song.
2000 points, ended October 12, 2008, 13 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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This poem has the obsessed feel that I think a Villanelle should have but the meter and A-rhyme were a little too forced to cut it. Beyond that I note the the success of keeping the Villanelle's "obsessed" quality in place and appreciate the poem's message. Thank you for entering.
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Ahhhh. Indeed, this is a beautiful Villanelle. So very well done. Congratulations on the shiny trophies. Worthy of so much more. Superb writing.
~Pamela 
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This is a stunning villianelle! Very well done and thank you for sharing
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congratulation on your gold...well deserved
always so sad to witness love's dream shattered
beautiful flow to your words
moon2u
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Congratulations on the gold trophy. A beautiful write on a tough subject; I loved the lyrical effect of the repeating lines which, together at the end, have such strong impact.
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Congratulations. Truly a beautiful piece. Well done. ~Pamela
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This was a beautifully written villanelle on a unique subject. Each line flowed into the next and the rhyme was almost unnoticed. The two refrains worked perfectly together and left a lasting impact in the final stanza. Thank you for your entry. Peace, Liz
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Ver ystrong poem....I like it. "Mistakes met disaster, yet refused to learn" that's a good line. There's alot said in this poem. There's also outstanding imagery and you have a great use of rhyme!! Best of luck in the contest.
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fantastic im not one for form poetry put i have to say this is fantastic i really do the imagery the rhyme, and im guessing the form was spot on as well best of luck to you in the contest, this desrves a trophy outstanding!!!!
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Excellent
Wow, wonderful imagery indeed. Imagery and rhyme are just fine. Thank you for sharing this one with us. Again, very well done.
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