I can do without the long goodbyes
and i can do without the teary eyes
I can learn to stop trying so hard
I am just ready when you aren't
Who really knows how this thing will conclude
but I can do with out your apathetic attitude
the sun will come to shine on me today
I will start to forget about the rain
Are you having trouble reading these lines?
peeking from behind your thunderstorm blinds
wishing i was still outside the glass
on the greener side of the grass
lets end this escapade
looks like your escape, escaped
What did you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Great writing, and good imagery. Good job and keep it upp!
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i understand how to get a lot of comments. make a lot of female friends and be male! i understand now!!!
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Been a long time...
I rather enjoyed the sharpness and edge and yet there is still something sensitive about it. Good stuff..
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Awesome!
Great job, I can tell you put alot of thought into this. -
I like your target here. Usually rhyming drives me insane, but I like the end rhymes. Question, though: Why is there an invisible stanza? If it's on purpose, then I don't think it fits well. It it's on accident, then I suggest you delete some lines. lol The points that you are trying to make are confusing, and I may just be blind and stupid, but when I read it, I am trying to figure what you are trying say, and when I think I've got, you confuse me again by the next line, or stanza. I would just suggest proofreading and making the lines and transitions flow better and less confusing. Sorry about this critique. I hope you won't hate me for it, or be against because of it. Sorry.
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A great write
Will have to look your page up
WELL DONE !
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Really nice job. I like the last two lines especially. ♥
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this was a little bit messed up in terms of the rhymes, but that said i liked the emotion you put into it and there is a real message that made me think about my life all and all not a bad poem, when amended this could be craker
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wow this was really deep. i loved it!
i really loved the first two lines and last two. -
i do like it!
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should I be worried? but it was beautifully done babe 
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Nicely written Krupt.
Well written, emotional, and yearning. The analogies you used, 'pictures' you create...all succeed in getting the message across.
Bravo
'D'
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i really like this....its really good...i really like the line 'I can do without the long goodbyes
and i can do without the teary eyes' i think everyone can relate to this poem. i know i can!! good work!
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oh wow I like the meaning behind this! My fav line...
Are you having trouble reading these lines?
peeking from behind your thunderstorm blinds
thunderstorm blinds is an amazing analogy! Well penned krupty!
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