so when did this turn to madness?
a carriage ride
that ends in
ambulance
its sirens suicidal
that it wombs nothing
special
like a superman or
the yellow ropes crafted
from rapunzels
and i suppose
i am to blame
for the absence of dinner
in your eyes
that my great hunger
prevented settings
beyond two
as your candles
flirted fire
with another sweet
spoon
it’s just company
you say
like a
knife
and i sit
speaking politely
to death
about how fools
always fall in love with their
jails
how they don’t gag
on spiced words
or colliding winks
but
at night
when they have finished
eating white flowers
and black bananas
they will lift heavy limbs
and rise from awkward corners
to flutter curtains
like fat bankers and thin widows
and yet again
we will slice
far more than just
butter
why
to hear you gasp
and know that i’m
not the only one
who will die
holding my
breath
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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interesting
this was interesting to say the least. I can't say I followed it entirely and I'm not sure if my own lack of comprehension is to blame or if I was just too distracted by your line breaks. Regardless, I still found your imagery and language rather intriguing though it required two or three reads for me to really get the gist of this.
I would suggest either eliminating that very first line/question or putting it at the very end. Honestly, it seemed out of place to me. Also, I'm not sure if this was a typo or not but is that last line in the first stanza supposed to end with "rapunzel's hair"? or did you mean it to be "rapunzel's"? just thought I'd point it out.
overall I'd saynice job here
Axel Gold -
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Thank you for your comment. And actually, the question is important as it sets the scene of where did all the madness begin, i.e. how did this relationship start to deteriorate. And secondly, the word 'rapunzels' is used as in plural, as in many rapunzels and was not meant to be used as a possessive of only ONE rapunzel so contrary to what you thought, I believe this was not a typo.
I hope this helps in clarification.
Again, thank you for your kind comment. It is appreciated.
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interesting
this was interesting to say the least. I can't say I followed it entirely and I'm not sure if my own lack of comprehension is to blame or if I was just too distracted by your line breaks. Regardless, I still found your imagery and language rather intriguing though it required two or three reads for me to really get the gist of this.
I would suggest either eliminating that very first line/question or putting it at the very end. Honestly, it seemed out of place to me. Also, I'm not sure if this was a typo or not but is that last line in the first stanza supposed to end with "rapunzel's hair"? or did you mean it to be "rapunzel's"? just thought I'd point it out.
overall I'd saynice job here
Axel Gold -
Oh my!
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Congrats
this is just amazing.
That wee stanza, and the ending, had particular impact for me. just, wow...
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"its sirens suicidal
that it wombs nothing
special"
You are always on another level. I honestly don't know where you come up with this stuff! And it always seems so effortless, the words waltzing across the page while our jaws are on the floor.
There is nothing more to say aside from the fact that this is incredible
Thanks for sharing this
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Stunning poetry - I understand this so very well. Sometimes there are more questions than answers.
~ Nicolette
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Excellent, in the house and burning it down.
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...i...think i'll just leave the table quietly and show myself out...thank you, both.
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Yes, that ending sweeps me into the gutter, with my legs kicking like a stupid cricket. Some of this hit so hard and then, some of it didn't...But I get the feeling your writing is usually quite personal and to you, you feel everything...Even if we don't always connect on the same level. I also loved that opening stanza. Your poetry is like rapunzels teeth shattered into oblivion and it turns the soul, always.
;
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"and i suppose
i am to blame
for the absence of dinner
in your eyes
that my great hunger
prevented settings
beyond two
as your candles
flirted fire
with another sweet
spoon"
godfuck this is the best -- the words and subtext alike. honestly, this is the best part about coming back from a relaxing holiday: amazing poesie from darcy!
yessssssssssssssss. i love this so much, basically.
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and i suppose
i am to blame
for the absence of dinner
in your eyes
those lines were just amazing darce, as was the piece. i loved the image of spiced words, too. and that ending was just prime...i even found myself holding my breath. gasp! you know i get absorbed in your words..
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oh my!
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I think I was married to this, but it's so long ago now I can't remember but when I read this the vaguest feeling comes back that it is all too real. C
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