From sunset 'til dawn, I'm grinding your keys.
It's become assembly line robotic.
The truth leaves me crippled, forced to beg "please".
Smirking, you herald me, "New & Ionic".
You bid me, "Need nothing", but file your lines.
Sparks, and the wheel's shrill, all days & all ways.
Your heel in the small of my back defines.
Each way a man loves, and to what he prays.
You chained me with habits, and claimed, "'twas best".
That a man could be drug held by your form.
Needing your nature, I did not resist.
My compulsive drive bid, "Drone in your swarm."
Now I'm hypnotised by your soft-wing's song.
It speaks to the yearn, I have to belong.
Author notes
Shakesperian Sonnets rock, I've Americanized this one, and it's about Hamlet and Ophelia
Written January 15th, 2004
In a list
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This is good. I like it. Not much to say that your cheering section hasn't covered already though. Good job.
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Very cool, original and full of flavor. Best of luck in the contest. Keep on writing, ~TC
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I've just discovered that I live
on some remote and different planet.
So my regrets, alas I cannot give
critique that equals what is in it.
But no, perhaps really I ought to try,
surely there is sense to make if so...
It baffles me if truth be told and I,
who hates to be defeated, I must go
before I make a bloody fool, you see,
of me-- myself. I know I'm all alone.
I have to tell the truth. Stupidity?
this is Shakespeare's Ancient Crone.
Whatever. Art, a hieroglyphic
had better been, paleolithic.
Terry -
Very nice, as I'm sure you know, but where's the volta? Doesn't anybody ever read the rules?
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Hey, this is pretty good Your form was perfect, and I love how you've written this based on Shakespeare. Nice work, and thanks for entering.
~Smidge~
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sorry it's taken me so long to comment, i've had a lot going on. hmm. an almost haunting piece though, the last lines spoke of basic human desire, need for acceptance (completion even.) the first few lines got mt thinking about the COmbine in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, but you really brought the poem around to meet the Hamlet/Opehlia conflict. Very nice, cheers, kat
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This was a very strong write man. I took it as a woman that you just can't say no to. You know it will lead to devastation and the hollowing of your being, but you don't care and still want her. It's as if you have become a slave to her wilds, and supplicant to her womanly charms. I know that this might never have occurred in real life (I'm not as gullible as most) but that's what I got from it. Thanks for entering and sorry it took so long.
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this poem is great because not only was it well written, im sure many people can relate to an experience with a relationship like the one in this poem. great write, thank you for sharing this!
alyssa -
i asked you for help writing a sonnet. you ignored me. but i'm over it. i'm giving up writing anyway. i always liked this one.
Edited on Feb 12, 10:07 p.m. because ''. -
I am in no way shape or form an expert on sonnets but this one really grabbed me. I enjoyed it very much.
I had to write a sonnet once for an English class and it was the most horrible thing ever. I wrote it about a red balloon that gets lost in the sky. I got a terrible grade, read it through again and then burst into tears. I'm insane.
Good sonnet just the same.
Elizabeth
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Ah Cvillelisa, I bow to your wisdom and eyes that see far into the UV bandwidths. Me? I'm a stump on wheels careening down the hill of life and I think I forgot my helmet, but that's okay really because I plan on launching myself into the air just before I hit (just hope these wooden wings work the way I planned).
Ok. Verse is Sex -- they just pour out of different orifices. I shall repeat this to myself until others sneak frightened glances in my direction.
And I've decided I'm not trudging to Babylon nor slouching towards Bethlehem -- nah, I've decided Gomorrah is the place to be (sing it like "Green Acres"). -
(you do actually scrawl and not always type, some crumply spiral notebook with flipped pages....drawings..shh don't tell me) Why do I like this so much? I must tell Bohb again, Verse is Sex. He doesn't get it even after reading it recently elsewhere. Do you have a Polyhymnia Hick Heckler on this site?
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New and Ionic
I can'nest not reply but "Tis louver in yonder window be" (as a comment on the above comment, just under the first comment).
Well, shucks. I get two metaphorical meanings from this piece - either clever duplicity or I've gone and miswired my brain interface incorrectly again.
Meta 4 One would be sex. The cornerstone of human existence and the only reason any of us are really here. Deny that - deny your existence. Deny your existence and where are you then?
Meta 4 Two would be sex...wait, I already said that - no, Two would be cranking out verse after verse after verse for the amusement of the hicks and hecklers. (yah, I used that phrase earlier today, but my shipment of fresh new phrases has yet to arrive - I did alter it subtly so as not to offend).
And whither 'tis sex or verse (one is physical, one is mental), she flows like the clear stream of truth under the bridge of humanity. I shall pause and dip my heel into your waters and then, trudge on towards Babylon.
All I can say is, "New and Ionic" and I mean that sincerely. -
Louvre wherest been thou?
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It speaks to the yearn, I have to belong.
-this line sounds awfully awkward to me...sorta like it would be "It speaks to the yearning, i have to belong" but i dunno...your way usually ends up better.
and holy you are a weirdo, and i mean that with all the love in the world.
(refering to your pictures)
Nyx...
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