Find youthful thoughts to ponder
within the days of dispair
Taste breezes sweet as honey
as they blow through your hair
Walk pathways toward tomorrow
leaving yesterdays behind
Follow the butterfly of destiny
to create your own good time
For you are your own true friend
only you can seek moments for you
When walking down a path of light
you will find a love that's true
For tomorrow is a new reality
of one you draw and write
Do you become the bold new hero
or a withered old person of night
Copyright 2008 Shelly Price
(c) Nevadapoet
In a list
A contest entry
- In Desperate Need of Inspiration by JustFallingApart.
300 points, ended August 25, 2008, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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Hello.
Overall I think this is done well, but that last line;I think it reads slightly forced, or I just don't get it. Why "of night"? And old people although not physically strong are no different from any other when it comes to mental and emotional toughness, maybe a little more as they have seen more and all that it entails, unless they have dehabilitating disease in a relevant area. I would go for something like "yada yada without might", just a suggestion.
Also I have to say, there appears to be a contradiction in this. Destiny is something that a person goes to themselves, and who they follow is no one (referring to the butterfly), for they are making their own path towards it. And you state this yourself as tomorrow is one made by one's own hand. And if that is the case then destiny, is created by the accumulation of all the tomorrow's up to the point of destiny can only mean it also is self made, and thus nothing is followed towards it.
The rest of it read fine, and contained good advice, positive thinking, no fear, not living in the past and thus accepting what has happened, and recognising the futility of guilt. Being true to yourself, looking after yourself, living in the now and belief in yourself.
I wish you well in the contest. My regards.
Edit: Had to elaborate on old people and disease.
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nice write
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Thanks for the read and the comments, I appreciate them.
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I can relate to so much of this - which made it a very eerie read for me. I love the contrast of your first and last stanzas - the first being gentle words of hope laced with that strong 'sweet as honey' image - the last being a kick up the ass wake-up call with that harrowing 'withered old person of night' image. I agree with much of what you're saying - but wasn't clear whether the path of light/true love was a religious reference - I hope not, though it makes the sentiment work if it is - otherwise I think life really does enjoy kicking us in the teeth at times.
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