So full and still these calm blue lights
as night froze dahlias high slopt plains
his words so boldly traded life for right
as trees redeem the sky in lasting sight
a frame of beauty, life is love and pain
So full and still these calm blue lights
when hatred descends like locust blight
as stony tears run dry as cloudless rains
his words so boldly traded life for right
for Saints and freedom form coldest night
as fear was not the emotion restrained
So full and still these calm blue lights
when every wish was for wings to flight
sadly left in bursts of gray refrain
his words so boldly traded life for right
and lost beneath a burning sun so bright
a lesser star eclipsed by human stain
So full and still these calm blue lights
his words so boldly traded life for right
In a list
A contest entry
- PIF Villanelles only by ecrivain01.
650 points, ended August 19, 2008, 12 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I think this is a worthy attempt at the villanelle, is certainly sensical, but the meter is kind of crazy, going from irregular tetrameter to iambic pentameter. I think it would work better if you threw out meter and made it rhythm based. Even though most modern examples of the form employ iambic pentameter (more classical is tetrameter) there is not, as far as I know, a metrical requirement like there is with the Terzanelle.
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I think you are right about meter and this form, many conventions and assumptions but few rules within the form... i will give this some thought, thanks for the suggestions and thoughtful comments...PK
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well penned . . liked "when every wish was for wings to flight" and "So full and still these calm blue lights" . . congrats on the gold
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Simplesmente lindo, parabéns poeta
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excellent form, beautiful verses...Thank you for sharing your masterpiece's of talent...
novy
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Your poem makes me think of some poets who died or were exiled because they did not quit speaking out their minds. The silenced voices, the dry ink, but their verses still remain.
Garcia Lorca, Neruda, José Rizal, Senghor, Maikovski, Ferreira Gullar, just to mention a few.
Your Villanelle reads well, has a very soft tone, repetitions worked as they should, and when reading it out loud, its sound pleased my ears
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