morning sun scatters landscape
yawning mawl seeks first light
stretching limbs crack silence
pastures calling hunger
awkward bovines mulling
how dull can lives be?
time approaches herding
one canine wakes
circling collective cattle
watchful eyes prepare attack
let them meet their nightmare
my promise will be kept
Lupus' encroach steadily
prepared defense certain
feeling slow today but strong
fearless they are bayed, fleeing
confident no return awaits
scent upon breeze vanished
hunger pangs gripping
ooh grass
Author notes
if a cow half woke up still dreaming he was a dog and defended the other cows against wolves
A contest entry
- Poem of the Week - POW by Arkbear.
1000 points, ended August 18, 2008, 7 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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One of these days you will win gold from these guys. I am too scared to ever enter them.
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I don't get this? how comes people are scared to enter the po' contests
anyways great write darkie, 'grats on the medal, you'll get there! keep on writing. -
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It's not people. It's me. I don't know about other people. I'm not really scared. It just seems like a contest that is very strict and my poems suck, already.
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wow your tougher then me then im scared every time i enter one
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thanx goldie
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or ill be a old women someday with 6,843 bronzes. you should totally enter the next POW. I dare ya 
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Hi and welcome to another POW!
I found this to be a really creative story and enjoyable to read, probably even more so after I read the AN and had the full knowledge of where you were going with it. I do think some of the word choices were more...complicated...than they needed to be, maybe? It's good to have variety in your language, just be careful it doesn't come off sounding like you flipped through a thesaurus the whole while you wrote...which isn't to say this does, but there are a few borderline choices...IMO.
Your theme seems a bit complicated for a poem...nearly pushing this into a short story in poetic format...but again, just MO...
I think a wee bit of punctuation would go a long way, even if only used in the last line or two, to give this some lovely emphasis. For example:
"Ooh....grass!"
Without that...or something on that order...I feel the last line (which is actually a wonderful and impacting ending! ) seems very flat. Not that cows get too terribly excited about anything, but hopefully you know what I mean. 
Thanks so much for your entry and good luck...my scores and the other areas I looked at will be in the final notes of the contest.
Best wishes,
~J.
P.S. Remember...no editing once a judge has commented...until after trophies have been awarded...
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Hi, and Welcome to the POW!
Wow! I love this write! So much imagery and imagination at work here! Great theme, also, quite clever!
I found your title to be a bit weak; it doesn't really tease me to click on it, and that's a shame! I have a lot of difficulty with titles myself, and spend more time trying to get the 'right' one!
I'm closing my eyes to the lack of caps and punctuation. (I'm actually becoming more accepting of it, due mostly to your writes.) This poem by its structure supplies good 'breaks', and the lack of punctuation is almost unnoticable.
I would have liked to see a stronger closing line, but all in all, this is a well-crafted write.
My scores will appear with final remarks. Best to you in the contest!
Remember, no editing once a judge has commented!
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Well, I have to
- this is certainly unique and creative!
Ok, you know by now that I think the title is extremely important - this title is ok, not bad....but I feel it could have a bigger punch to it. Not necessarily 'cow pie dreams' or 'cow tipping'....but something a little more 'EXCITING'.....
As I stated, the theme is unique and you were very creative with it. Well done.
The flow was off a bit for me - I feel some comma's would help - slow the reader down and add more emphasis where needed.
Your images could have been stronger - not bad, but just a tad 'un-exciting'...lol...and I do feel using the word 'lupus' will throw some off. In this particular piece, I think 'wolves' would have worked just as well, if not better.
Depth/emotion - could have been more 'EXCITING'..
...not bad, just not as impactful as they could have been.
On my personal appeal score - this will score high as I did enjoy it.
All in all - this won't do badly.
** No editing once a judge has commented.
My scores will appear with final remarks. Best to you in the contest!
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I did enjoy this piece alot so it will score high with me because it was so creative I really do not have any complaints about this poem so thanks for sharing goodluck in the contest blessings always
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You are becoming quite the Poetess
Love you ability to ban Filler Words from your work.....just work on Flow a hair bit more ~
Love your meter, but because of the lack of filler words, you have chosen a dum d dum d dum meter......good job, just make sure your chosen words flow as well....make it flow like silk....rolling off the tonuge.....I, too, have this problem with many of my own writes....but I am working on it ~
Your Theme is great......creativity is one of your best tools ~
Not much to critique here...let my board say the rest
Good luck & God bless,
Bear ~
Title 9.0...I would not want to click on this Title unless I wanted to read about this genre -
Flow 9.7....meter is good....but flow is dum d dum d dum..causing stale Tone -
Depth 9.7...do not go abstract here....this is a fine line....focus on Theme and don't hide it -
Theme 10...just because a Theme is new, does not mean it can be done well...be careful -
Feelings 9.0...not a lot of fellings -
Grammar 9.85....nice job.....reach deeper next time for unusualness in grammatical choices -
Presentation 9.5....not really a fan of all quatrains....leaves flow without valley & mountains...be creative! -
Uncommonness 9.8....nice, but give body to your Theme....don't try to be abstract about it.....yes, there is a place for abstract....but not here
-Sit & Ponder Affect 9.8...I did ponder, but more-so about your write itself -
Ability to follow Rules 9.75...prefect from what I can tell, except *POW in AN -
Bears Score: 96.1
Not bad
No editing once a Judge has touched your work ~
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thanxu
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