stars begin to shine above
and the crickets sing softly
a cool breeze dances around
as the flowers sway gently
the moon rise, sun set
i whisper i love you
A contest entry
- Quickie~ 30/30/24 by SuicidalLover.
600 points, ended August 22, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What can I improve on?
Comments
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*bunny*ing Awsome!!!!
i love it its very well written and the words fall in beautifully!!
great job!!
~Moonchild~ -
This was true to the prompt. I'm glad you stayed close to home, makes it easy to understand. On the fifth line I would suggest this -
the moon rises; sun sets,
it reads better that way with the word limit. So beautiful a picture.
~Kystal Angel
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this is pretty
goodluck in the contest
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Too tired to write more, but I think you mean the flower sway, not swat.
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