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days spent baking

 
 
 
 
 
she whispers to her
skin at night
as days spent baking
end,
 
sheds into a quiet
sun,
 
drops words

against the smallest bones
that tremble,

unseen by sound-
 
of how a father's death
was simpler than his dying,
 
that this is perhaps how male
must always leave,
 
as an ancient nail, pressed against
her cross,

against her hands held still
 
where metaphors found in old
wood, splay palms open
 
unable to hold;
 
where bones lash
together
to push him back
 
while she
with unnamed salt,
sees that empty soil
has a residue
 
 
 
so she circles
in descent,
 
to drink his blood
and eat his flesh
again
 
while fresh loaves rise,
pink and small

 

and a slow shovel buries
each rib
beyond the bruises
and the ash,
 
beyond pale
ghosts
 
of him and him,
 
to gather weight
when mirrors blink
 
like those she shuns
on bad-skin days
 
when all is flat
and empty
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Edits: 7

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think (Critical Honesty Appreciated)

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 14 of 14

  • Dalaney gold member
    September 4, 2008
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    Congrats on this well deserving poem Love, Lane


  • Puking Faerie Dust gold member
    September 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Ah, this was truly amazing. It had the perfect amount of emotion, imagery, and some of the best metaphors I've seen in a while. It says you've had seven edits; I think this is magnificent the way it is now. Brilliant stuff here. Thanks for entering
    Jeanette*~

  • Yvette Champ gold member
    August 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The title of the contest is hypocrite and that's what I feel I am, I so want to say I wish I could write like this, this recipe is familiar to me and I could babble on about Jo-Harri windows but I also feel the gemini pull of the need to say " how male must always leave" caused me to pause at both reads. For me, personally, it would read smoother as either males or men, I realize then you would have to reconstruct nail to nails to equalize the suggestive plural but there you have it, my rambling is from a place of honesty. Maybe misplaced. Often I mention a suggestion and a poet replies and explains why my suggestion would not work ( sometimes they just say something that starts with "F" and ends with off!!! ) Its at times like these that I wish I had the convenience of being Catholic and could look forward to confession and absolution, I'm winging it without a priest to play pat a cake and I shall undoubtedly burn in hell lol



  • NurseChilly gold member
    August 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    we are the yeast of our own bodies, the rising of man and woman.. the exploration of how science makes us and we are compound like the mixing of flour, water and yeast to make bread of beings

    let us break it my friend and share in the beauty of it all..

    arisen is the day

    beautiful Kate... beautiful


  • Randomly Beautiful
    August 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You touched the prompt brilliantly with this one.


  • Allyce May gold member
    August 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "of how a father's death
    was simpler than his dying,

    that this is perhaps how male
    must always leave,"

    This is absolutely brilliant poetry. There is nothing I can say that has not aready been said

  • Suzanne Dia
    August 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply


    bleeding..
    you write bleeding without making emo sink its teeth into my essence, I am glad for that..

    it is a purging process
    though, the beginning of the bleed here
    well it reads to me like something very scary

    I am glad you have words for this process
    and as I always say, you become this images so beautifully.




  • Fug-azi
    August 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    As always you bring something entirely new to everything you write. I have to say that at this time you are the best writer I read.

    Good luck in the contest though I feel luck has nothing to do with it.


  • Melodies
    August 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Inspiring and endless in its fine-lined brilliance

    Now I get the full flavor of free verse opposed to rhyming. You have to say something really beautiful when you create a prize-winning free verse poem. You have done that here.


  • zochit2me gold member
    August 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is like a metamorphosis to me...
    The digging of reflections once there and now gone. A whole new you, but better...like the bionic man ummmm sorta.
    love the mirrors blink image...good stuff for sure.
    I think this to be one of your best ones.
    Jaw dropping impact for sure.

    ♥Becky♥


  • Cherokee
    August 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This made me really really sad so good job on impact.


  • iverbthenoun
    August 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    WOW...this is strong powerful stuff. the death and dying lines were just so very esha-must-fall-for-these. umm idk what else to say... i liked the he and she references... they give the poem a more substaintial or personal gravity... um ummm ummm... and this tastes like coffee? sorry... (i don't like coffee that much, i compared the strong taste...)


  • Nicolette gold member
    August 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This really is fantastic work, Kate. You left me quite speechless and all that's left for me to do is to pick my chin up from the keyboard. Such a moving piece this is; the emotions intense, yet "tidy".

    Excellent poetry as always.

    ~ Nicolette


  • apples fell
    August 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    This is just gold, period. But what do I know.
    Your words are always your own Kate. How you bring the focus of the eye to each line and how you adhere imagery, so it is like gentle leaves falling, is
    very astute. You have to read your stuff a few times to take it all in...As each line and stanza is like a little poem in and of itself. The filler words are really trimmed back here and I think it allows for easier reading and also it allows me, at least, to take in the imagery, with stupid unneeded fluff gone. Some writing of course demands more fluff, but this doesn't. This was very sad for me and I felt like the words were piercing my chest. A sense of justice in the accused and perhaps, this set of words you have brought forth will bring about a feeling of peace.

    I honestly don't think there is anything to critique. Not this time.

    Fantastic work...You should also enter this into my invite only contest, as I think it would fair beautifully.

    ;

1 - 14 of 14