In its prime, the trains loved
the new smooth ride; each chug
a remnant of the past toward heaven,
every face aboard
a picture through a window.
But come August, a strange turn
brought L & N through a
hole in time, a valley from space;
a winged child was seen
in the last row seat
crying to travelers unsuspecting,
the lost people of limbo.
For the metal on the tracks
were melted from Zion,
nails for the grown baby's hands;
the wood in between a branch of
Acacia, the last place their unknown
Saviour was seen and sacrificed;
sorrys were never heard, even
in eternal heat of their souls.
A contest entry
- Summer Poem by Mortal.
900 points, ended October 9, 2008, 30 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
-
excellent
Truly a unique poem you have penned here sweetie
Love the metaphor's you have used in the poem as well
I entered too but didn't place so I removed my poem...
The judge said it was well executed but she wanted something more
After reading this one by you I can see why
Congrats on the gold trophy sweetie
So well deserved
Come by and see me when you can
Hugs
Susan~~~
-
This is a beautiful metaphor and you create lovely pictures and emotions with your phrases. Your word choices are fantastic. Good luck in the contest, I vote you into the finals.
-
I truly like this one. The take is fresh and new. I very much like the combination of old folk tale type creatures with a fairly modern setting Brava.
-
This is a unique approach. What a wonderful, earthy metaphor for the infinite. So very well done. You manage to create awe with images that in lesser hands would be commonplace. An example of transcendent talent.
Good luck in the contest.
Garrison
-
I have to reread this over and again, and soak it all in. It's absolutely interesting, and each line is bursting with information.
I love the story feel to it. What a fun read!
Adding your comment:
1 - 5 of 5
