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inside the poem

 

 


the walls are transparent,
the rooms suspiciously
bright. the light falls
so variously
here

there are days when dawn 
sways upon the panes
while on the roof
owls are already calling

the moon.  sometimes
my crying is the same
as my laughter

and yesterday,

today

and tomorrow

change colour as often as the blooms

of the kiss-me-quick


nights

in which i get lost walking

to my own room
alternate
with mornings
when i put flowers in the window
to make the neighbours think
i’m happy
there are always animals
who look on as i search
for a bench
in the long corridor
of language


just so that
heavy-heartedness
might have


a rest

 

 

 

 

 

 

 








 

Author notes

http://www.uh.edu/engines/yesterdaytoday1.jpg - the yesterday-today-and-tomorrow flowering shrub; also called "kiss-me-quick" or "morning, noon and night". the flowers change colour as they age (from purple to lavender to white). In Afrikaans it is called "verbleikblom", which directly translated means "bleached/bleaching flower".

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 96 of 96

  • decode
    May 21

    Edit | Reply
    "with mornings
    when i put flowers in the window
    to make the neighbours think
    i’m happy"
    deep lines there, said so casually.
    I like your style.

    this is beautiful and eloquent.
    congratulations on the gold. <3


  • Swan song gold member
    April 16
    Edit | Reply
    Sigh!!!!! just beautiful dear!!!!!! congrats very well deserved!


  • campanaro silver member
    March 1

    Edit | Reply
    When I first started reading this
    I said to myself,this woman has been living closer to
    grace and creativity some may fail to recognize
    or what it would take to know the path that leads there.
    Brilliant.
    Thanks for sharing this with us.
    Love Peace
    campanaro


  • leander Moderators member
    October 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Gasp!

    You are so skillful - how you manage to knit pain and joy through each other... and let it seem as if it's just as easy as sewing a button back on a shirt...

    • Nicolette gold member
      October 2, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      i'm not good at sewing at all, lol. thanks, leander - for all the lovely comments. now i want to see something new from your pen, my friend


  • Harrisham Minhas
    October 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This poem beautifully expresses the hiding of pain under masquerades of happiness.
    Well-done.
    Congrats on the Gold.


  • Cynthia Gaines gold member
    September 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Brilliant!

    Congratulations on the gold!! Thank you for sharing, and I wish you all the best!!! Peace, Cyn


  • Heart Sutra
    September 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    NO one can match your brilliance...
    you are THE poet of all poets!

  • mimiagatha
    September 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    you live inside of it, not inside your house, not in your room, not in your bed. not even inside your body. you live inside your poem and your poetry is simply the family pictures of you and your household: words


  • ariazephyrzoe gold member
    September 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    sometimes
    my crying is the same
    as my laughter
    and yesterday,
    today
    tomorrow
    change colour as often as the blooms
    of the kiss-me-quick

     

    this is my favorite part


    it would be gilding the lily to add more words

     

    Anna lee


  • Randomly Beautiful
    September 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Ditto what I said the first time. If I could, I would applaud it again.


  • jantastic
    September 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I know there is so much more to comment on in this lovely poem but I love synchronicity. The poem inspired by your contest that ended up in my book contains this:
    "Only forsythia placed on the sill
    heralds the promise of new life,
    bright blooms on the horizon."

    Flowers in windows. Beautiful words as always.


  • Everwind Rising
    September 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    There is a tremendous lonliness and sadness in this piece. Beatifully woven with the plant names (thanks for the informative author notes. I like the way you used the plant names to become so meaningful in the poem. Lovely write.

  • Virgoan
    August 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow

    flowers always inspire you my friend and yes, they bloom and change like humans do.

    excellent


  • ten thousand cicadas gold member
    August 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    So lovely. We all have our poem place, I think. I wonder what I ever did without it. Actually don't think I discovered it until I first really needed it. But you have painted its magic here, its nuance, its variability, its gentle force. The way you juxtaposed the dawn/owls, nights/days, the room-walk/flower settings...it all covered the spectrum of mood and emotion. Beautiful variability, for we are not creatures set in stone.


  • onerios13
    August 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    with mornings
    when i put flowers in the window
    to make the neighbours think
    i’m happy

    This had such amazing tones to it. Like cooking while you're heart is breaking. I am flattered that you are always so kind to my bits and words, yet, when I view this, I am struck by the thought that this here is something worthy of the word: stunning.




  • misselaineous
    August 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply


  • Grunts Girl gold member
    August 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    i have a familiar with all this... with paul gone...
    too much familiar
    that is all i can say


  • Allyce May gold member
    August 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    FABULOUS NOW


  • Mari Goes gold member
    August 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "when i put flowers in the window
    to make the neighbours think
    i’m happy"

    This is poetry in real life, and you are one of the few people who can do it so very well.

  • zara
    August 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Man, there's a poem in just the names of the plant, isn't there? I might have to steal it for future exploitation.

    This poem took me on a ride of the ups and downs of grief, pain one moment, relief the next. The bit of self-consciousness, thinking about the neighbours - that's a wonderful intrusion on the mediation, and speaks a truth we rarely admit. Bravo.


  • nevadapoet
    August 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I loved this...it had great images and perfect flow.
    Thank you for sharing your talent.
    Nevadapoet

  • dx d by me
    August 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I feel as if I have ignored this very intimate revelation. I like the exploration of pretense in the flowers for the neighbors. Very thoughtful and introspective. A brave poem, and sure of itself. Lovely really, Geo


  • nilav
    August 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    it is very interesting to feel how meaning wrapped in different emotions peep out to enter the readers' mind...


  • CaliOkie silver member
    August 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Yes. You have captured the universality of poetic angst. We are, by nature, creatures of ambiguity and contradiction and I love the metaphor of putting flowers out to make the neighbors think you are happy. My God, how many spend their lives putting flowers out? How many get lost on the way to their room? And, perhaps the most troubling question of all, how many don't even realize they do it?

    Excellent. (Need I add "as always?")

    Garrison


  • S A Adelmann
    August 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is why I write! You have captured a mood, a feeling, melancholia. This is beautiful, Nicolette. Stunning, in my opinion.


  • kaibab silver member
    August 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Well my friend of flowered verse, you are always brilliant...such a smooth point of bloom you fingers grow, to put you words in my window, and know your lonliness...beautiful and sad...;f


  • Andantino gold member
    August 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Oh, I feel so sorry!

    This is a lovely poem. I loved every line of this free verse except the bit about owls [one ate my sister!]
    Willy ler, the Winklings' mascot.


    • Nicolette gold member
      August 19, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      lolol - thanks! must have been a very small sister or a very big owl


  • porksnorkel
    August 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    two thumbs up

    This is what I would do:


    on the roof
    owls are already crying moon

    the walls are transparent
    the rooms suspiciously
    bright. the light falls
    so variously
    here

    nights
    when i get lost walking
    to my own room
    alternate
    with mornings
    when i put flowers in the window
    to make the neighbours think
    i’m happy
    there are always animals
    who look on as i search
    for a bench
    in the long corridor
    of language


    just so that
    heavy-heartedness
    might have


    a rest

    • Nicolette gold member
      August 19, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks, Ed - much appreciated. But I like my first two stanzas... But I like your take on it too (another one who thinks I should delete the "perplexity" stanza, and yes, I see you've taken out some filler words - totally agree with that. How about I change the first and 2nd stanza around...?


  • Namita
    August 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a very personal poem from your pen, Nic... very beautiful. Unlike everyone else who opposed the idea, I very much like the "perplexity" stanza... Even though its a little detached, it still somehow needs to be there. A kind of "perplexed" feeling when the stanza does exist

    Beautiful poem, m'friend Just noticed it today!

    - Namita


    • Nicolette gold member
      August 19, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you, Namita. I asked for critiques and I'm still "hovering" about this one.

  • Yvette Champ gold member
    August 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply

  • Randomly Beautiful
    August 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Oh Nicollette this is simply beautiful. Every word was a pang of knowing as I read. Loved every image and could envision you placing flowers on the window. Nothing to edit. Stunning as it is.


  • sheltered
    August 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Love that whole first stanza
    Perfect line breaks.

    "suspiciously bright"
    "falls" and "variously"
    The tone is drone
    but the language is exciting.

    "dawn hour
    sways upon the panes"
    Unique imagery.
    As is referencing
    the word "perplexity".

    You always feel a little lost?
    At least the neighbors will never know.

    The animals seemed somehow out of place
    but this is dream-like anyway.

    Love your "long corridors of language"

    • Nicolette gold member
      August 19, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Lost? yes, not always but sometimes we lose ourselves, lol. The "animals" can be interpreted as people who read our poetry, people who look on and even the demons inside. In every poem we expose something of ourselves...we're never alone or fully dressed (so to speak) . Thank you for a lovely comment

  • Allyce May gold member
    August 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I don't knowwww Nic, I keep coming back to this. I've read it many times, so it's about time I comment

    By anyones standards (being the average poet, of which you are a higher callibre) this is fabulous poetry. I probably couldn't write it, that's for sure

    I thought something was missing. Then I decided nothing is missing, because everything there is perfect; however, I can't help thinking the perplexity stanza is superfluous. I like the idea of it but it seems a little out of place with the context of the rest of the poem. I know it isn't, but I think it could be connected better. It seems to float there on its own. In fact, I don't think the poem would lose anything without it.

    Hmm, that sounded brutal! You can tell me to shut up with my rambling But you KNOW I love this poem! The flowers in the window part is so touching I felt myself crease internally. I also adore the idea of rooms being suspiciousy bright - makes me think of light hurting the eyes and, specifically, clarity.

    It is brilliant poetry I feel I should apologise for the critique, because I know how personal this it; but it's for the sake of poetry!


    • Nicolette gold member
      August 19, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      i've made some changes...does it read better now?

    • Nicolette gold member
      August 19, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      You don't have to apologise for anything, Allyce!! I see your point about the stanza you refered too. I actually meant it to be part of the previous stanza, i.e. dawn/sunset and linking it with laughter/crying..... hmmmmm still a lot of work in this one. Finger on the delete button here... You KNOW I so appreciate your finely tuned poetic eye. Thank you


  • cvillelisa
    August 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply



    Good luck in the contest, Nicolette.

    I am not a personal poem writer like this, so any suggestions I might make would be of no use because they would be construed as appearing to want to strip the personalization from the piece. Your audience appreciates your voice and that is what is important here.

    I found the first two stanzas very beautifully expressed.

    I hope your heart finds rest.

    Lisa



  • ArtFullyMe gold member
    August 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply


  • AJ Morelli gold member
    August 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply



  • Suzanne Dia
    August 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply


    I understand this one
    though not from entirely the same perspective as you right now..

    i put the flowers in the window.. because i can see it now, because his presence has been scrubbed away -- and I want beauty around me, so that I can believe I am as well, despite all he never did or said. You know?

    Your perspective I think .. is coming from at least.. the right kind of nurturing, and missing that..

    well I do know missing that even if it isn't the case for me right now..


    you write your grieving process as beautifully as you write your loving process.




    • Nicolette gold member
      August 18, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I know you know and understand, Suzi... thank you


  • Cannonsfire
    August 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You know I always love your work and i can so relate to this and just found the part of putting flowers in the window so the neighbors would think I'm happy is just such a brilliant line but I am going to be daring here and say I am not sure about 'heavy heartedness'..it just doesn't sound 'Nic' like lol if that makes any sense to you...it has a harsh intonation on it as you say it and I think it felt too abrupt for the ending, it made me want to search for another word or words in which to say it. So that's my say on it but you know me I just love the way you sigh on a page and make my heart get all smooshed up in your words. C

    • Nicolette gold member
      August 17, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I love it when you're daring, lol! I was actually wondering about that word... i had "melancholy" there at first... hard to find a word but you've made me think and that's good. Any ideas? Thanks, Chez


      • Cannonsfire
        August 17, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        I'll have a think and see if I can come up with a suggestion lol

  • tara wilson gold member
    August 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "when i put flowers in the window
    to make the neighbours think
    that i’m happy"

    I really like this one... I feel it is one of your most personal poems... straight from the heart, in which your sadness is written so beautifully


    • Nicolette gold member
      August 17, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you, Tara - yes, you've put your finger right on the "heart"

  • bluefeather
    August 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful as usual...

    I know I rarely comment on your work- my words never seem to come across the way your work deserves. I love all of your writing for various reasons, and this one is no different. There resides a heaviness here, true... but one of much passion and a strength that you exemplify so beautifully in your writing. Hard to criticize the truth of ones heart, really. Excellent.


    • Nicolette gold member
      August 17, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much for visiting my work and for this comment - it's beautiful.


  • MJ Donnelly gold member
    August 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very interesting write Nicky, as this goes in many different ways, almost cryptic really. Very diverse piece, of course with lovely poetic language that only you could pen. Honestly, I can't think of any criticisms really, it’s great.


    All the best,
    with much love,
    mj.


  • Cat gold member
    August 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this is so real

    the ending is wonderful

    m


  • arafura gold member
    August 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The "flowers in the window" line is so very poignant! You never fail to impress with your work my friend.


  • Jersene gold member
    August 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like this, as is. It speaks from the heart, with honesty, and a heavy-heartedness, that I think most will relate to. This is excellent


  • Victory Gin silver member
    August 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    @};--,--


  • apples fell
    August 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Enter my invite contest, like seriously. I always come to your poetry, knowing that you are going to be able to convey a message to me...One that I will feel over the race of footsteps and passed the flowery scent of roses. It is this reason that I tend to read you when I am either fully awake, or in a very relaxed mood, which I am right now. I do have a spacing suggestion as I felt this read very strange:

    "nights
    in which i get lost
    walking
    to my own room
    alternate
    with mornings when i
    put flowers in the window
    to make the neighbours think
    that i’m happy"

    - I think you could have brought these lines together more, so that the intensity is carried better and the poem doesn't seem so mechanical in its transitions. Other than this, the rest of your spacing is fine and I enjoyed how the poetry was held together like a tight knitted fabric, but also, it was stretched thin as well...Like the words are gasping and starting to swell. I get a sense of deep regret here or possibly unease. I always enjoy how your poetry can be interpreted.

    I think it is quite fantastic writing,
    critiques aside.

    ;


    • Nicolette gold member
      August 17, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I was wondering if someone would comment on the spacing of that particular stanza, James, as I wasn't happy with it myself. So yes, I fully agree with you and I've changed it already. Thank you so much . I still have your invite contest bookmarked; still trying to write something worthwhile, lol!

      • apples fell
        August 17, 2008
        Edit | Reply

        Like you could ever not write something worth while. I see you changed that and I think it works beautifully now. I caught it right away, but I am usually observant like that. You're welcome love.

        ;


  • marc creamore
    August 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Still editing?!?! Oh no, please don't say that Nic . . . this is flawless, perfect just the way it is . . . a hauntingly beautiful thing has just blessed my eyes . . . thank you . . .

    Marc


  • Mallig gold member
    August 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Incredible imagery, sadness... an emotionally complex write. This piece has a real magic.


  • Night Hope gold member
    August 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    "the walls are transparent
    and the rooms are suspiciously
    bright. the light falls
    so variously
    here"

    I am not surprised to see you compare a poem to a room, considering how many rooms there are in your own heart, my dear Sister. Yes, we understand the noises of this house well; some rooms are empty of everything but silence; others sparkle with the light of love & memories. In yet others, there are shadows that reach under the doorsill, causing us to tremble & scurry towards the one room we feel safest in. Flowers are meant for both joy & sorrow; their scents do not discriminate. You are such a beautiful Soul, my Friend. As you always tell me (& others), keep writing towards the light. Good luck in Jan's contest, Sweetie. You know I'm here with you (even when I'm not). Love you, Woman. Vlindertjie


    • Nicolette gold member
      August 17, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      thank you, Vlindertjie for this lovely comment, but mostly for safe room in your heart

      • Night Hope gold member
        August 17, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        Right back atcha, Babe...you've always provided the same for me, my dear Friend. Do you realize we've known each other for 4 years now, Nic? I'm so glad we discovered these bonds we share, my Sister.

  • piggyback
    August 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    But this sounds complete to me

    Wow, to compare a poem with a room, writing with living,... only you could have thought of that. The imagery, the internal rhyming, the similes are all well thought and penned. This poem is the superlative and beauty itself and helps me to understand yet again why you are one of my favorite poets ever. I'd leave the ending as it is, if I were you - honestly this poem is simply astounding just this way. And, trust me, I can actually be very picky.


    • Nicolette gold member
      August 17, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      - wow, thank you, piggyback. trust me, i so appreciate your comment - do you see my smile?


  • NurseChilly gold member
    August 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    people who know this, will never throw stones at the sheer glassy-eyed beauty here, for it shall not break the places where loss and shadows live...

    i hear the echoes here Nicky and see your pain.. and in all the perplexity there is beauty and something tangible in your heart and words



    Gilly.xxxxxx


    • Nicolette gold member
      August 17, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      love you, gilly... of course you see beyond words, even when the curtains are drawn...
      thank you, my friend

  • Rowan gold member
    August 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like the flowers in the window line too... how often we tend to hide our true emotions from the outside world, and how it slips out in poetry like a welcome sigh, and as poignant as softest sunlight.
    Can't find anything to nit about with this one, or any of your work actually. lol.


    • Nicolette gold member
      August 17, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      so true... thank you, Kathleen - your words are like softest sunlight too


  • IronIcecream
    August 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    living in a glass house
    you think all oceans have walls
    heavy-heartedness resonates
    dull like iron toil
    sometimes - like when the moon is swallowed
    you have to let bronze rest


    • Nicolette gold member
      August 17, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      what a lovely poetic comment - thank you...yes, sometimes even light must rest


  • EvilKate
    August 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    "variously" is such a powerful word here. You have such a gift for that - an ability to find a perfect word. I hope you find 'the' perfect word someday ... that you might fall into more.

    And I agree ... I can't see much to edit here.

    except, maybe the transition from the stanza before the 'animals' line to it's own ... maybe that needs smoothing? - did seem to leap a little right there.

    Still - even with that it was all good


    • Nicolette gold member
      August 17, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      thank you, kate... i tend to agree with you about the transition there...back to the drawing board for me


      • EvilKate
        August 18, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        Has there been some editing? - feels like it


        • Nicolette gold member
          August 19, 2008
          Edit | Reply
          jaaaa... some serious editing done, lol

          • EvilKate
            August 20, 2008

            Edit | Reply
            And yes - NOW the poetry rises - love the " blooms of the kiss-me-quick" part and so much else you've added. Just seeing this shift over edits, is a lesson many could gain from - myself among them


  • iverbthenoun
    August 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    the ending is simply beautiful.


    • Nicolette gold member
      August 17, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      thank you, dear...if only all endings were beautiful


  • And Hyetal
    August 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    when i
    put flowers in the window
    to make the neighbours think
    that I’m happy


    I don't think you need to edit a thing. Beautiful words you've penned here... I love this.

    ~Cassie


    • Nicolette gold member
      August 17, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      thank you, Cassie - good to see your back!


      • And Hyetal
        August 17, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        I think my thinks it rains too much in Florida.


        • Nicolette gold member
          August 17, 2008
          Edit | Reply
          tell your birdie to migrate to south africa - it seldom rains here


          • And Hyetal
            August 17, 2008
            Edit | Reply
            But if he goes there, then he can't sing my muse to me.


  • Peteskid gold member
    August 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Time counted by sun and mood and the things we do to put ourselves in the place to accept our next blessing...a wonderful experience here in the poem...PK


    • Nicolette gold member
      August 17, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      thank you, PK - your comments are always a wonderful experience too

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