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~Loudest & Longest~



Task each sound with equality status
to rouse intrigue within hidden disdain,
so tendrils of notice poke through lattice
and leave little niches on thoughts mundane.
Perhaps enlightenment can ascertain
that repeat awareness; being exposed,
leaves audiences elegantly posed

to readily shake sleep from laboured bones,
and rouse intellect to calculate odds
of stolid intent and random unknowns,
-normally left in the lap of the Gods-
Is it curiosity that pokes; prods,
when a voice provokes response from the throng,
or is it that they have shouted so long.


Author notes

3."Perseverance is a great element of success. If you only knock
long enough and loud enough at the gate, you are sure to wake up somebody." Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807 - 1882)

First time i've tried this, so be honest but gentle

A contest entry

Critique Requested

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    August 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. Your first two lines are strong. They beg the reader to continue, no, not beg, they insist!

    to readily shake sleep from labored bones - what a terrific image that conjured for me.

    Mechanically perfect in every way and a message that is so very very strong. You have nailed this prompt with your impressive Rhyme Royal. I cannot fathom this is a first attempt.

    Thank you for this gem. "Impressive" is an understatement! Thank you. ~Pamela


  • no longer a member
    August 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This could not possibly be your first Rhyme Royal? No no. You have captured this prompt in perfect form. So very stong in words and emotional pull. ~Bramble


  • vici377
    August 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow..it is far beyond my little brain..so this amazes me..so for critique..NONE..but then you are the master of metaphors..
    to readily shake sleep from laboured bones,
    and rouse intellect to calculate odds
    of stolid intent and random unknowns,
    -normally left in the lap of the Gods-

    this particularly caught my eye..just a solid piece of poetry my friend..thanx so much for sharing..and best of luck in the contest..blessings..namaste..