We lay here together,
Holding hands, looking away,
Like a devoid space to each other.
Silence falls thickly
Like a brick barrier,
We both loath this moment
When words become numb,
No sense of existence.
Silence takes over entirely,
The thumps of dismay
Have floated away.
And forbidden love and silence
Battle eachother. If only love could prevail…
Author notes
BrokenXxXDreams , Amaranthine Lover
A contest entry
- Silence by Jersene.
1500 points, ended September 3, 2008, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Poetry, Poetry and PreWrites! by Lost Vampyre Angel.
1200 points, ended September 13, 2008, 340 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best Prewrites From August 2008 by amaranthine lover.
2450 points, ended October 8, 2008, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite-palooza by swim.x.
1650 points, ended October 6, 2008, 100 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrites. by dieu..
601 points, ended July 6, 184 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PREWRITE... maybe rounds I'll see what i get!!! by Unbreakable3.
900 points, ended July 30, 223 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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This was a good poem, It had good simplicity and taste thank you very much for entering, good luck with writing in the future!
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interesting piece, thanks for entering
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Can you do no wrong? All your poems are just great and truly heartfelt, plus this speaks of an experience which I've been through more than once, making this poem even more dear to me. Great job.
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This was such a cute poem but had great and deep meaning. I loved the title.
Congratulations and good luck in the contest.
Chin up,
Swim.x
'When words become numb,
No sense of existence.' -
This takes me back and brings me memories of my younger years when I was naive and kept with my own forbidden love...
This is beautiful. You've done an excellent job in capturing the reader and I thank you for sharing this with us. Keep it up.
[[♥]] -
This wonderfully expresses the heaviness silence can bring...sometimes so thick and smothering. Your poem is felt. I like the ending...Thank you for this entry
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Wow...just wow
Im speachless...
"Silence falls thickly
Like a brick barrier,
We both loath this moment
When words become numb,
No sense of existence."
that was my favorite part. wow. i just luv your writing.
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"When words become numb,"
"The thumps of dismay
Have floated away."
I love those lines.
And "If only love could prevail…" is a brilliant ending. Although it can easily be given a negative connotation, I can see a lot of hope in the phrase. Especially because of the "...". Brilliant work here! Thank you for the comment
And another thing. I relate, two fold. Got a thing going on, forbidden because he's, well older, and also forbidden because of certain laws. It's gay. But yeah.
I've learned over the years that there's more forbidden love than allowed love. Lol. Go figure.
Best of luck in the contest!
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Well-written, quite poignant in its telling of the angst of young love.
All the best.
mj.
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Excellent write here
So often young lovers stop talking for when one talks the other criticizes every word thus time makes them not say anything at all . Dont be so quick to judge how another talks be more in tune to what they are trying to say and show respect and love will embrace the moment
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communication break-down
well illustrated
if only love could prevail
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