Away and gone
you could maybe
release me
from the chains of this beauty
Away you could go
But I know
theres no steps you can walk without me
theres no road left anywhere
You could go ,you can try
but soulmate,
theres really no way
theres no time you have left
in any bit of hours or minutes
that dont have my mirrored sense
theres really no way ,
no future,nor past we have
to get away
A contest entry
- Lost Love by Silverstar1993.
600 points, ended September 16, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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Interesting form and word choice! Thank you for entering and Good luck
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Very evocative and packed with imagery and appropriate descriptive detail. Minor crit - 'there's no steps you can walk without me accompanying you' seems to be an overly long line and mars the flow and synch of the remainder. Dittoe with 'there's no time you have left in any bit of hours or minutes' they seem to be too wordy. Also check out some punctuation, particularly the use of the apostrophe. Nice write overall, thanks for sharing.
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Thanks so much,i have tried to edit my mistakes.Your comment and constructive critique is appreciated.
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I appreciate your creative form and use of internal rhyme. This piece flowed well and was easily relatable.
Thanks!
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