crack my shell
like a jackhammer would,
spill into me
until my womb is full;
reach orgasm
so i can snap your neck
like a guillotine
then feast
on your remains.
Author notes
For the POW Contest
Theme: Sexual Cannibalism in Spiders
Male black widows and crab spiders often restrain females in silk prior to copulation. Cannibalism during/after copulation is common in certain varieties of spiders and mantids.
A contest entry
- Poem of the Week - POW by Arkbear.
1000 points, ended August 18, 2008, 7 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
rip it
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Hi, and welcome to the POW!
Not the most unique topic ever, but the theme and direction you took our poor spider certainly is.
I agree with Trista that this write needs more substance, more lines, more details. Simply because what you have given is so intriguing, we want to know more!
My scores will appear with final remarks. Best to you in the contest!
Remember, no editing once a judge has commented! -
Hi there and welcome to the POW!
Wow...what a theme!
Spiders, yes...we've seen several entries on different little quirks of the bug and spider world, but never that I recall, on this particular one...or at least never in quite the same way. 
Okay...my main issue with the poem is simply that there isn't enough here for me.
I enjoy "minimalist" writing, but this is a subject that deserves more than 9 short lines, IMO. For example...I found the information in the AN about being wrapped in silk not only interesting, but a wonderful image to ponder...I'm sad it's a detail that didn't make it into the poem. 
The little I do know about Black Widows is about the female...so I was surprised to learn this had more to do with the male...I'd have guessed it to be the female. Remember...you've learned something about this, but most of the rest of us...are clueless. So the only things we are going to know, are the things we learn from you. 
I did love your title...it's enough to catch my interest, plus it identifies the subject without you having to "name" it in the poem. Your metaphors or similes are wonderful and visual. I see enough poetic devices here to say you're no stranger to them...having a bit longer poem would only give you more opportunity to showcase those talents...and give people like me a very cool biology lesson. 
Thanks so much for the entry...other areas I looked at and score on will be in with the final notes of the contest...
Good luck and best wishes,
~J.
P.S. No editing once a judge has commented, until after trophies are handed out.
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Hello I too have written on spiders and seen other writes like this but the problem that I am having right now is it is not enough for me I want more lol
Which is a good thing My score will be sent in at teh end of the contest. Much love -
Hello
So good of you to join us for the PO' Contest!
...welcome!
In the PO'Contests, you will find we are looking for Creative Themes, as this is how you capture your reading Audience.....and hang on to them ~
You did not know this Theme has been done, as you are new.....but as you return over & over again, your chosen Themes will bring your scores up in all areas which we look at for critiquing your entry
For only 31 words, you will see, we do not have as much room to look at a broad area of your writing skills......and you do have enough room to show all areas of your talent ~
Let my scoreboard say the rest.....this will help you......and the other Judges shall be along behind me to also read, suggest if needed, and critique you on their scale of what they are looking for
....this will also help...>>> http://allpoetry.com/group/show/Contests%20for%20POD%20POW%20POM%20POY
God bless you!
Bear ~
Title 8.5...I would not want to click on this Title unless I wanted to read about this genre -
Flow 9.0...not bad for the few words....but not enough room to really get into your Flow -
Depth 9.0..not enough room to get into the depth of your thoughts -
Theme 8.5....has been done several times....bring out your creativity quill
-Feelings 8.0...not a lot of fellings -
Grammar 9.65....simple, yet affective...*upon your remains*....not, *on your remains * -
Presentation 9.0....not really enough room to see your style -
Uncommonness 8.5.....has been done....join us again and find a *unique* Theme
-Sit & Ponder Affect 8.7....not too much to ponder...has to do with length of write -
Ability to follow Rules 10...prefect from what I can tell -
Bears Score: 88.85
As you can see, the length has hindered your scores
No worries....join us again and learn from our critiques, suggestions and advice....your scores shall soar!
No editing once a Judge has touched your work ~
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really? Someone has done sexual cannibalism before?
I wouldn't have guessed that. I'd never heard of it before last night. Then again, I'm not an entomology or biology person.
Thanks for your critique.
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Well, even though this is short - it is well written and has impact in its wording. I've written on spiders before, but not with this theme - so it is unique for me. I think your imagery was good.
Not a lot I can say on this - due to its length. But I did enjoy this write. A good entry.
** No editing once a judge has commented.
My scores will appear with final remarks. Best to you in the contest!
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A friend of mine is a biology major and came across this lovely tidbit of information in a textbook, then shared it with me at 3 in the morning yesterday.
I decided it merited a poem. I knew I wouldn't forget its bizarre nature either.
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Hello, I have seen 1 rule broken in this entry...use of the filler word "is"...Overall, this is a good entry, very abstract...and the overall theme is...grossly adequate, perhaps...I know I won't forget it because of how bizarre it is. I want to thank you for entering....
Justinintendo's Scores:
Rules: 9.5
Grammar: 8.9
Punctuation: 9.5
Flow: 8.9
Vocabulary: 9.5
Thought: 9.7
Depth: 9.4
Imagery: 9.7
Impact: 9.9
Presentation: 9.7
Justinintendo's Total: 94.7
*remember, no editing once a judge has touched your work
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