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Breaking of a Broken Heart

hopeless tears fill every blink,
i feel as if I'm on the brink,
breathing my last breathe
on the ground i lay crying
forever denying
even as i dream of my own death

losing love
losing everything
how can my broken heart,
shatter anymore...

i am lost inside my mind
searching just to find
love lost darkens my every thought
and now inside of me
this pain is all i see,
hurting worse with every hope i sought


losing love
losing everything
how can my broken heart,
be shattered anymore

within me;
lies a pain;
a broken heart thats shattered;
once again...

one more day;
one last try
hope for just one reason;
not to die...

losing love
losing everything
how can my broken heart,
be shattered anymore
losing love
losing everything...
losing love
losing everything...
how can my broken heart,
be shattered anymore...

Please tell me what you think

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Comments


  • Rsm
    August 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Pretty damn good. Rhythmical, I like it. it's deep and dark.

  • mightyafrowhitey
    August 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Spectacular. Love the aabccb rhyme scheme. You made it your BITCH. Seriously. The sentiments come across perfectly. It's so hard to write something like that without it coming across as forced or awkward. You have a natural lyrical gift.

  • Hovels 2
    August 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love this verse

    "losing love
    losing everything
    how can my broken heart,
    shatter anymore..."

    Nice choice to repeat it over and over. It captures the whole poem, without having to say more. But, the rest of the poem added more impact to what you were trying to convey.

    I really like this poem because I could relate to it a lot. I've been treated like crap from guys and people in general. Because of that, my heart just can't take it anymore. It's broken. I can't go through it again. But, as much as I say that, think it, feel it, I end up in another relationship, where I get hurt. It's irony because you think after I got hurt the first, second, third, etc time that I would get the picture, but no. It just keeps happening and it hurts as much as the first time. So, it's like wondering, how can my broken heart shatter more? That's why I really like that verse. It conveys something everyone encounters. That repeated pain of losing a relationship that was important to you.

    I love this verse too:

    "one more day;
    one last try
    hope for just one reason;
    not to die..."

    It conveys the fact that even though you get hurt, you try again. Either you get hurt again or you actually are okay, this time.

    Bottom line, it's hard having a relationship with anyone. There is going to be pain, but is there going to be loss? Because if there is loss within the pain, the pain won't feel worth it.

    This is why I don't have a lot of relationships.
    People suck and I am not going to risk having pain with loss. And I think the people that I do have a relationship with is enough pain for me. Haha! But, it's good pain because it's not loss with pain.

    I like the poem. The words you chose were very universal. Therefore, I think a lot of people can relate to it. I don't see anything bad with this poem. So, sorry for not making my comment more harsh.