Like the bravado beauty
He stalks the canopies
Doused in native fauna
Encapsulating birds
His Eden likenesses
Before the great fall
And the tiger hunt
His idealistic charms
He haunts the undergrowth
The follicles of time
Uncaged, rejecting wires
And clustered electricity
Like the soldier of gluttony
I enter in the denouement
Of lampooned flora
Artificially sent in from the south
Manicured with vein like blemishes
And territorial clumps of meat
I spurn green and ruminate red
With the verbose vocabulary
Of overeducated musicians
Orchestrating a chorus with
Venereal voices -
Covering my lips.
A contest entry
- Critiques by Melissa Gayle.
1650 points, ended September 4, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
Wonderful!
Dear Anthony,
This is you at your best!
Magic, gothic, graphic!
All of the words fit and the meaning
is dug from deep places in my imagination!!!
each block stands alone and yet embraces the
whole~ This is your gift!
'Of overeducated musicians
Orchestrating a chorus with
Venereal voices -
Covering my lips.'
what wonderful lines....
Jane
-
I adore words, truly but there are places where the wording almost seems overdone.
You have a good balance of imagery and emotion within the piece that definitely helps the flow.
Its funny, actually ' -
monkeys drip from trees and the blue veins of the oboe stream take notes of the virus of things too far underway ... dude!!! have set off a genius alert ...
this is most alarming
... absolutement !!!
read it four times and gotta tell ya this is goodly well damn done
three turtle seal of excellence
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