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As Comes and Goes the Tide

 

There were fractures beneath the quaint seatown’s tidy surface

rhythms of conversation swirling in questions, accusations

transformed to chatter, gossip, rumor

a staccato'd crescendo of growing suspicions

the upright citizens organizing themselves above their chorus of voices

picked up the cold, gray morning winds over a churning sea…

 

The residents' peccadilloes became more memorable than their virtues-

hidden brothels and drunkenness seep into the townscape blur;

people scatter from the oncoming storm, growing in volume and moving like a wedge

splitting the harmony of the town open, whipping it with a tempest

and as if a psychic being, playing their ruses like an ancient tune;

then uneasy feelings are washed away on a golden Sunday morning

when radiant light glittering from the calmed waters streaming into the church…

 

How near love is to torture, how tragic the misplaced faith in human goodness,

when, gravely sorrowful, fears rise like snaking figures in the night

then uncovers murders most foul, beyond redemption

followed closely by a vindictive justice knitted in childhood dreams

endless, like the chilling tale of a Renaissance lament…

 

The quarry flees to the empty beach with the ghosts of his victims in pursuit,

their chants shrieking in triple forte

sealing his madness and accompany him to his fisherman’s grave

where, in its ceaseless motion, comes and goes the tide…

 

 

Author notes

To be part of day 28 of the 20th century abstracted historical piece "Day 7";
woven from "The Rest is Noise" an introduction to 20th century classical music
by the music critic Alex Ross
This piece derived from a critique of the opera "Peter Grimes" by Benjamin Britten

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • delayedscreening
    August 22, 2008

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    a mix of prose and poem

    was not sure how to approach it. how do you critique something when you don't know what it is?

    i think, ultimately, this should be written as a story, or more in the vein of prose.
    you enjoy words and description, but have a hard time streamlining it.
    it's a loud piece and looks very heavy on the page.
    daunting to the eye and dissuading.
    also noticed a few spots of archaic language. old phrases/cliche that don't fit it with the piece or time.

    nothing but opinion, so please don't worry to much.
    you show a genuine love of words and detail.


  • Age of Rain
    August 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    A bulky read, but a good one. Your beginning drew me in immediately. As if you started in the middle of something. I liked that.

    "How near love is to torture, how tragic a misplaced faith in human goodness,'

    You captured the essence of your community here I think.

    Your ending was also interesting. The inevitability of things. Nice.

  • Melissa Gayle gold member
    August 17, 2008

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    I truly believe that you could trim this down a bit and completely enhance the flow and feelof the piece.

    When reading this aloud it is indeed a mouthful.

    You do have a good control of the language and some really good images sprinkled throughout - overall nicely done


    • wbiro gold member
      August 17, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      when I rework the main piece your suggestion will be floating at the edge of my mind- how to enhance floooow and feeeeel... (something tells me I'm going to have to slow down to do it!) It's not a slow-moving piece, so I'll be smoothing out any stumbles, but I could insert slow, lucid segments that would trickle like a brook amid the onrushing torrents just for contrast... thanks...

      • delayedscreening
        August 22, 2008
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        idea...

        don't think of editing as "slowing it down"
        the smoother the rhythm the more tempo falls into the syncopation of the piece. that's poetry.
        flow and feel and not slow by any means. think of these two things as the metronome that sets the pace for the reader.
        editing is a time consuming practice, but does not necessarily mean that the end result will affect the timing of the work. i think you misinterpreted the critique.
        you tend to overcomplicate even the simplest things with an abundant amount of detail. prime example can be seen in the reply attached to Melissa's critique (last sentence).
        i give you credit- you have one hell of an imagination. but it elaborates on unnecessary banalities. maybe just clip those out from your submission?

        • wbiro gold member
          August 28, 2008
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          I read your critique and I was wondering what I entered here... (forgot!) then I saw it and said, "Oh, that thing!" Thanks for the critique, yes,
          this is quite an impossible piece as is, as are all 500 of its companions, which are still waiting for basic editing for clarity...
          the metaphors are from a music critic's book on the history of 20th century classical music, which this story abstracts in generality, hence the copious use of music-related cliches (by our standards)... this particular piece is from a critique of the opera "Peter Grimes"...

1 - 6 of 6