Sweet Sapporo
I drank it alone in a
Hole-in-the-wall sushi bar.
The Sapporo was sweet, with a
Bitter end taste.
It was my first beer,
My 21st birthday I spent alone
Drinking Japanese beer
In a hole-in-the-wall bar
Where I now spend most of my nights.
College is lackluster:
The people are all
Pseudo-intellectual cunts.
These days there is no promise
But drunken reverie.
So let me float the fuck away...
Author notes
This has nothing to do with me: I'm only 16. This just came to me. So we're all clear.
A contest entry
- Critiques by Melissa Gayle.
1650 points, ended September 4, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Be helpful.
Comments
-
Personally I do not like the beginning of every line capitalized, it throws the flow off for me.
The repetition of 'bar' and 'beer' in stanza one really aren't needed. If you could find a way to rephrase I believe it could enhance the piece.
Line three is stanza two, sharp and welld one.
I almost feel as if you don't need the second stanza at all though, either leave it at stanza one or perhaps add more to the end of the piece
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