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The Mounting Sadness

Dim lit stars and saddened smiles,
Sun burnt hearts and heavy times,
The shallow heart has damaged its core
And now it became deadly sore.

Trees shivering and winds beating,
Flowers dying and autumns eating,
I scurry the way down the railway,
Cursing the wind that left me astray.

Fires strolling, a bonfire growing,
A rotten face, no longer light throwing.
And a sticky substance of envy, on my heart glued
That my life sadly takes in as food.

A dead scene is left here,
No motion, stillness everywhere.
I scan the place, everyone has left,
And I am still here, ever so bereft…

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 17 of 17

  • Unbreakable3
    July 21

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    Thank you that is the first really good poem I have read in the last about 30 poems! I really like this the rhymign was good and the words were nice it flowed too! Thanks for entering


  • Symphony
    April 20

    Edit | Reply
    This was certainly my favourite part;

    "Dim lit stars and saddened smiles,
    Sun burnt hearts and heavy times,"

    So descriptive and I just love the way you worded it!

    Congrats on the previous trophies

    thanks for entering.


  • Salty Hibiscus gold member
    February 1

    Edit | Reply
    the rhyming scheme is excellent. i enjoyed reading it and the imagery is quite good. thanks for sharing and good luck.


  • Thendestinystruck
    December 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    beautifully written!


  • trekkergirl
    October 26, 2008

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    oooohhhh this is kind of scarey to me. especially that last line. Good job. Thanks for thinking of us and sharing this interesting write that you have. And thanks for entering it into my contest.


  • AboveApathy
    October 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow- great rhyme scheme-i agree with dramaqueen469. also wonderful imagery, as shattered remains stated. Great work!
    luck and love,
    wesley


  • DramaQueen469 gold member
    October 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. What a lovely piece of work. I think the simplicity of the rhyme scheme added to its overall power.

    Well done and good luck!


  • Shattered Remains
    October 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I like the imagery and the subject matter, very good poem, thank you for entering and good luck


  • TabbyCat
    September 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A simple rhyme scheme..but carries deep emotions...some nice imagery here too. The last stanza carries with it such hopelessness!


  • written-in-ink
    September 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Trees shivering and winds beating,
    Flowers dying and autumns eating,
    I scurry the way down the railway,
    Cursing the wind that left me astray.
    -------------------------------

    i love that so much you have no idea
    that was amazing!!!

    thank you so much for entering

    this was truely amazing!

  • She Stole My Voice
    September 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I really like this piece.
    Thank you for entering and good luck ♥


    -rainbow.


  • Silly Rabbit.
    September 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a strong and heartfelt piece that I thoroughly enjoyed reading. You've done a great job expressing your feelings and I hope you keep up the good work.

    [[♥]]


  • reckless abandon
    September 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The last to lines are really good, I liked the ending a lot. Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest.


  • Beating gold member
    September 2, 2008

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    Well, the rhyming isn't as good as it could be, and the rythm halts at places, but that is also about the only bad thing I can find. The poem is very beautiful in its sadness, as it so often happens, and I liked it. Good job!


  • PrInCeSs AnAsTaCiA
    August 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    thanks for your entry, lovelt piece
    best of luck


  • storiesuntold gold member
    August 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Good write here

    To stay within the confines of ones own mind is self imprisonment yet unknowing at any time one can step out of its grasp and smile to find a loving world all about you. They stand waiting for your inner joy to be seen then you will find others gathering about you friends from near and far. Its just when one is sad and wont talk otheres dont know what to do to help you so they keep at a safe distance watching for that smile to tell them Im ok please come back


  • OurSolemnHour
    August 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    I loved it!

    I love the imagery used in this piece. Great title, excellent poem; you have done well!

1 - 17 of 17