A land of make-believe is where you found me
touching in the dream's pool as cool water streams
into the sun's reflection.
Hearing the fairies sing of happy endings
and children dancing in a ring of flower petals
as the feathers of angels wings float to land
upon a heartbeat's rhythm.
kissed upon the ocean breeze
the sound of your voice locked in memories
of shooting stars and willow bark.
Lifting hands and smoothing wrinkles
breathing deep your lungs inside me.
Take the journey and leap with both feet in
let's walk in this land of make-believe
and swim in the pool of dreams.
You and me, we'll both put those fairy wings on
and sing about the happiest ending of all.
We'll dance with the little angels in the
ring of flower petals and feel our hearts beat as one.
We'll kiss within the moons shadow as it sings
it's midnight melody to the shooting stars
who hide our voice in the wrinkles of the Willow bark
and we'll lift our hands and lock away the breath
that we have shared inside the oceans waves.
Just you and me in this story we will create of life
in this wonderland of make believe.
Author notes
Saturday: Write about whatever you want. Just write what you wrote about in your Author's Notes =)
Angelflower
For someone really special to me..
A contest entry
- Are you up for a challenge? by innocence jaded.xx.
4200 points, ended September 8, 2008, 72 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Sounds like you've found your "happy place"
and indeed it is a special one where
nightmares are not allowed to exist.
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Thank you.. I need somewhere that I can be happy without the nightmares.. I'm glad you liked this
Angel
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Wow. This was. Amazing. I'm at a loss for words. Plus, I keep overusing the same adjectives or describing words that are complimentive on poems. I need a more extended vocabulary, I think
Anyways, this is amazing. For real. It was everything. Captivating, full of emotion, and powerful. I loved your use of metaphors, too, as that makes a poem so much more in depth & full of meaning.
-We'll kiss within the moons shadow as it sings
it's midnight melody to the shooting stars
who hide our voice in the wrinkles of the Willow bark
and we'll lift our hands and lock away the breath
that we have shared inside the oceans waves.
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I imagine myself reading that out of a book. That's professional writing right there :] Keep it up ! ♥ -
I feel like you don't listen to anything I say to you...or, you don't remember.
LoL
Anyways...
"A land of make believe is where you found me"
make believe==>make-believe with a GORGEOUS hyphen
"dreams pool"==>dream's pool, POSSESSIVE FORM
"suns reflection..."==>sun's reflection
"heart beats rhythm"==>heartbeat's rhythm
'heartbeat' is one word & it's a possessive form.
lets==>let's
Also, get rid of the ellipsis in EVERY instance in your poem.
I have a feeling you were trying to make a "dreamy" effect by using them, but your words are strong enough and dreamy enough WITHOUT the ellipsis.
Honest!! Good luck and please for the love of God, tell me when you make edits.
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Ok you dream crusher! lol. I'm done
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"dream-crusher"<--sounds poetic to ME
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I'm not trying to make it sound poetic
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Didn't say you were Bucko
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I feel cheapened..
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Don't we all...
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Aww hun this is so beautiful and he will be smiling when he reads this
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Heart touching
You have a very beautiful poem. My friend AngelWithDarkWings read it to me She has a very soft and elegant voice that makes this write all that much more special to me.
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WOW..this is beautiful in every sense of the word. your heart speaks loud and clear throughout this poem.. your words capture a magical place within your heart.. love is beautiful, and it makes it more so when its shared with someone else.
you'll always be together there in the realm of make believe. its a place where there is no pain, no disappointments, no tears. only joy, hope and love.
again this is still beautiful.. and WOW is about the one word that I can use that describes it so perfectly
good luck in the contest my twin sissy
kat
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wow
my friend this is very very good, i like it alot! :0
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