The world waits impatiently for brick to fall
and wall collapse. The Pope leads prayer
in silence and unspoken words lift towards
heaven. Red designs sparkle to the surface,
like an hour glass time drains away.
Wisp of gray seek shadows matted with
many pasts to scan a white horizon for
weak and aged.
They deny cruelty, yet, claim survival
for the fittest as heavy metal rumble
down roads with iron tread that rolls
over steel tank wheels. Punishment
from the fatherly leader left purges;
past holes dug at the side of roads and
filled with bodies of dissention.
The elder couple watch with distain
of Georgian country remembered
long ago. Their lips brush together
to whisper Good morning and
acknowledge the other; good morning.
They hold hands, as his strength
disappears; nothing has changed,
it's still the same...as a new Russia
invades like an old.
Author notes
Prompt #34: Nothing has changed, It's still the same. From Good morning, Good morning by the Beatles
A contest entry
- Prompt Contest (B) by OhNoChastity.
2300 points, ended October 17, 2008, 19 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Tskhinvali/Georgia by unknownpleasure.
301 points, ended October 30, 2008, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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This is great, really. You showed the prompt in a wonderful poem, and a political one at that! I even love the incorporation of the title of the song in the poem. Although I'm really not a fan of the prompt being repeated in the poems, the way you did it was subtle enough that I can appreciate it.
The way this is laid out is great. The addressing of the political upheaval, giving the reader a general idea of the topic of the poem, and then the personal aspect of it brought into the third stanza makes it something more able to be related to than a poem merely describing what's going on in Georgia. I would have to say my favourite line is the last line "It's still the same...as a new Russia, invades like the old." It makes the situation all the more terrible, and shows the memories of the old couple and why you chose to describe them.
I don't have any suggestions for this poem. It's well written and well laid out as well as interesting. The metaphors are strong and the description wonderful. I didn't feel as strong of emotion as I perhaps would've liked to, nothing that stood out at least, but I was able to understand.
Thank you and please continue writing.
-Jen -
Excellent
Such a truly well crafted and creative piece. So very well done. Best of luck in the contest.
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Profound!
You captured the moment vividly. Titans clash, but cowardly bullies just roll over those who cannot defend themselves. There are fewer citizens of Georgia than the City of Chicago. The situation is heartbreaking.
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Outstanding
I liked all the fine detail you managed to include in this poem, so many different thoughts and perspectives. The language is creative and the poem flows particularly well. I loved the ending:
They hold hands, as his strength
disappears;
These lines were very moving and drew my attention. Best of luck in the contest.
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Room without doors
Thanks for the comments. I was hoping to bring out the Stalin era into todays news and emotions.
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Amazing Write
Well my friend ou have hit the nail on the head with your final line my friend...
it's still the same...as a new Russia
invades like an old.
It really does seem like dejavu all over again as Russia invades a small defenseless nation. You always find such thought provoking subjects to write about and always with such stunning imagery to draw the reader into the words. In this one you bring the conflict to life and also the stark reality of the human factor and sadness of the elderly couple.
You take care,
Blessing,
Sandy
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