within the sight
of a new dawn
darkened skies
shroud my eyes
shrieks of the lost
chill my cells
with weighted walls
of circumstance
on the sixth day
of the third stone's
genesis
a forgotten son passes
over and
over
the flash
scorns seeds
planted in his eye
of destruction
splintered souls
shake
with rumble gods
roughly speaking
while
re-cycled tears
fall
sighs of lunacy
fill my chest
once again
like a remission
tearing through layers
of life morphed
i touch a burning leaf
the scent of ash
surrounds
tracing my
naked greed
mingling in the muck
of men
i trod with heavy foot
and shoulder
the contempt
of forbidden
and succulence
in shared fruit
of you
fallen are seeds
of darkened skies
and sensibility
forgotten
trembling lips
search a last breath
and undress
the wilderness
long lines
of infinite
silence
the strangle
in a valley
of shadows
called eden
Author notes
Question...Seems we are taught that Eve gave way to temptation, was she really at fault?
The garden never changed, the beauty remained...only the perception of it was tainted.
Solution...I wanted to show admirable traits of Eve's transgression, and gender had little to do with the outcome, we learned from mistakes, something else we are taught from a young age. (my opinion only)
it is a human race
My question to anyone that reads this...Where would we be without apple pie, sin, and most of all, forgiveness?
In a list
A contest entry
- Commitment Challenge #8 - Invitation Only by CarolDesjarlais.
2000 points, ended August 18, 2008, 3 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I loved "mingling in the muck of men"...so far from eden...except when art opens heart...wonderful this is Muddy...
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i admire the thoughts here, especially the perceptions because i believe in a day when we can make change, that it is within our reach as people, but always the question..will we...such depth in this excellent work here...PK
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What evocative language....that fulfills the thesis, indeed.... I lvoe the mative american view, really, of how woman ended up in the garden...and that she is not out yet, as logn as there is one left....Woudl we have ever dared to tumble had we known? Ah, yes, I believe we would have, although it took a man's hands to make us take the leap.
Sin? Is is such a political thing now.... to me. Forgiveness? Easier said than done..and one cannot ever know it unless they ahve learned how to forgive themselves first.
Apple Pie.....aw, to keep the Dr away... apple of my eye.... home, family, childhood, all things wonderful...but then, of course, the apple tree was made first especially for us to feed upon...
Nicely penned. -
Hi, love it, the answer to your question is we wouls be bored s...less,lol, hugs Di
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"and succulence
in shared fruit
of you"
That was my favorite part.
I wrote one about Adam & Eve not so long ago...My God is a loving God...not one that reeks of cruelty. I loved your question, "Where would we be without apple pie, sin, and most of all, forgiveness?" Indeed, my dear Friend. We would not be here, not one of us. I'm glad we are. 
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Amazing.
I am too lazy right this second to do my usual uber-long comment...but suffice to say, there is a LOT I could learn from you.
W/o apple pie, teeth would be less sweet & that would be sad.
Without sin...there would be no fictitious Satan.
Forgiveness...w/o it, there would be more wars waged...
Jessica
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