A twist in time to warm the nerve
And fuel the heat of sin
To capture is to conserve
The demons from within
A breeze to hold a solid soul
To feed a heat sick void
And keep the demons in control
Till summer is enjoyed
Summer-
How mark my fate
and leave me to your dismay
Leave the fallen to relate
Their heartache to decay
Summer-
How you bring my mind
To recall another year
You leave the sunshine intertwined
And the warmth to reapear
Summer?
Are you friend or foe?
Is your grasp on me of well intent?
Or have I lost my mind in woe
Solely by your consent?
A contest entry
- Summer Poem by Mortal.
900 points, ended October 9, 2008, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I very much like your idea as well as the poem construction. However something about the rhyme bothers me. the idea is clever though and several lines stand out to me. Good Job.
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This is best of all I've read so far in this contest... brilliant, truely poetic...
Good luck in the contest...
mina
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Your rhythm is a little inconsistent, but I like the apprehension of your concept and what you're trying to do with your words. I respect your effort so good luck in the contest!
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not bad. its usually hard to break out of the rhythm of lyrical poetry to get anything image or message -wise across. the questions at the end felt a little unnecessary if not completely out of place. what worked for the poem in the beginning, the intimacy you shared with the season was undercut by your questions of its motives.
and in the second to last stanza *reappear.
best of luck to you.
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Well it wise mainley about how summer marks another year...and the question at the end asks wether that year was well passed..But thank you for the costructive critism...it is much appreciated..
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OOOoooohh yeah..
You have a fan in me! great, flowing, rhyme, rhythm, yeah ok, you got skills!
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