Maniac

There  she sat on the mahogany bench,surrounded by her friends,
aah those pretty faces,those chirpy laughs,such sweetness,such beauty..so mesmerizing ..so utterly disgusting..
the air seemed heavy,the voices were too loud,the whispers seemed like screams..
the hushed giggles infuriated me..the silent smiles drove nails into my skull...
nails..skulls...aaah..such a wonderful thought....

i looked at one of those pretty faces,yes ,yes there she was the most beautiful girl on the planet or at least in my little sphere of thought...
i was mad for her..aah yes so utterly out of my mind...
but she didn't love me..no it was not to be...
those eyes met mine...aaah yes those luscious beautiful dark orbs..in her skull..
her skull....
and then i don't know what happened..i felt a sensation in my stomach..it was a new feeling...i wanted something..i wanted it desperately...and then i felt it..i had the scalpel in my pocket..aah yes..i had used that damn little thing in biology class to cut open a rat...aah cutting open....
all that noise..those whispers..the lipstick..plastic faces..god damn em all..so utterly beautiful..so damn nauseating...

i don't know what came over me!i swear i don't!i pulled out the scalpel and jumped at my dearest love..she screamed ..but i clasped my hand to her mouth...she was scared..i was scared..i loved the feeling....her friends were shouting...howling and calling for help..one tried to push me off!The nerve!!!But then she saw my eyes..and she turned away...screaming "MONSTER!!"I was seriously offended!My mother always thought I had beautiful eyes..but that is another story...
I held the scalpel tight and ripped down her shirt...but i didn't want her body..no no...such vile thoughts...never..i stabbed her heart...i stabbed it over and over again..but i wasn't satisfied..she died in minutes..the love of my life...a mangled mess in my arms..oh well you cant have everything...i took the scalpel and made a dash for the girl who had just called me A MONSTER!I saw her in the hallway..she hadn't covered much ground..she was too big and heavy....i caught hold of her arm..she resisted but resistance was futile..i think I've heard that saying somewhere..cant tell where though...
And so i drove the scalpel through her skull...aah yes...it cut open her brain..and i was reminded of that big rat i had dissected in the lab...they were so uncannily similar...the girl and the rat...was it just a coincidence??

And then they caught me,they tied me up,they lashed me..they cursed me...they carved into my skin...aaah such pain..such misery..such pure untarnished joy!!
Where am i sister?Why is this room so dark..?Why are there no windows here??Why do the guards spit on me?Why do they call me a maniac?Why do they kick me?Why do they curse me and call me mad??Am i mad,sister?Am i a maniac?Am I..am i....a monster????
They said they'll hang me..sister...A fat man in black robes...said it this morning.....why do i still hear those girls,sister??Why cant i sleep??Did..i ..did i do something wrong????oh..it's morning now..the clock strikes 4...the execution ought to be here soon...but why are there so many broken shards..in this room..sister...why?Oh here comes the executioner...sister...do executioners have wings...this one does....big black wings....is this a dream,sister??...NO..NO not those sounds.. again..those girls...that girl...her eyes..my eyes....am i a monster,sister??am i..am ...i...a maniac.....................?
(an eighteen year old student's letter to his sister,a news correspondent,the night he is going to be hanged)