Of Icarus and Love (Sestina) by Age of Rain at All poetry

Oh Icarus, my Love
I flew beneath your wing,
tread easy as a dove.
clouds float before us; sing
dulcet tones - stars above
shone, silver crowns my King

Gold zenith crowned a King
Oh Icarus, my Love.
sun showered flesh above
caressed a wind-swept wing
feathered lightly, skies sing
the cooing of a dove

I heard your call, my Dove
exultant cry; sweet king
wax thaw begins to sing
Oh Icarus, my Love
aloft on trembling wing
you skirted death above

You hailed descent above
and rode the virgin dove;
flight folded fickle wing
our feathers fell - stone king
Oh Icarus, my Love
what warning did I sing?

Such warning I did sing
before you soared above.
Oh Icarus, my Love
you never were a dove
though you were always king -
spread joy 'neath royal wing

I flew beside your wing
watched lamentation sing
for its forgotten king.
we missed you up above
where mem'ries played a dove
Oh Icarus, my Love

Soft wing embraced above;
we sing a shadowed dove
Icarus, King, my Love.

Author notes

Why did I attempt another? I don't really know. Here is my second Sestina. Each line is six syllables. And the end rhyme is more than obvious. If you are unfamiliar with the tale of Icarus: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Icarus

I switched it up a bit, obviously, but I hope this was a decent representation.
(Also note, this IS a first draft, corrections can and WILL be made)

Sestina:
First stanza, ..1 ..2 ..3 ..4 ..5 ..6
Second stanza, ..6 ..1 ..5 .. 2 ..4 ..3
Third stanza, ..3 ..6 ..4 ..1 ..2 ..5
Fourth stanza, ..5 ..3 ..2 ..6 ..1 ..4
Fifth stanza, ..4 ..5 ..1 ..3 ..6 ..2
Sixth stanza, ..2 ..4 ..6 ..5 ..3 ..1
Tercet, mid..2, end..5
mid..4, end..3
mid..6, end..1

In a list

A: Form Poetry • next in list

A contest entry

Rhymed prewrites only ... by ecrivain01. 750 points, ended November 14, 2008, 61 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest

Critical Review Desired.

Comments

1 - 7 of 7

By me, right now

Adding your comment:
Never Fall in Love
August 16, 2008

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Honestly, this doesn't beat your first one. But it still has a good flow and it's well written.

[has to go now]

♥x.
Silverstar1993
August 16, 2008

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I've never seen a sestina before, so this was new to me. It's beautifully done, and I don't regret clicking on it. Since I've never done these though, I'm afraid that I can give no critical review, for I would be covering new ground.
Beautiful though, keep up the great work!
lilAj
August 16, 2008

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I've always envied people who've done Sestinas
let alone a rhyming one!
it read like a song, I think you did well...
all the best now
- Age of Rain
  August 16, 2008
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  My first one was much harder. I decided it would be amazing to try to do an internal rhyme scheme...*Cringes* Lets just say that poem took me a few hours to write. Thanks so much for stopping by!
lianonsidhe
August 16, 2008

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Hi
This is gorgeous! I love Sestina's too, but I haven't attempted many. This is so beautiful and tells the story vibrantly. I'm really, really loth to offer any critical stuff as I love it so much, but I'll try seeing as how you asked.

Stanza 1: Place comma and 's' thus;

'stars above shone, silver crowns my king'

Stanza 3: Word exchange 'death' for risk:

'You skirted death above'

Stanza 5: Reverse words were and never:

'You never were a dove'

These are only myideas though. Thank you for sharing this lovely piece.
- Age of Rain
  August 16, 2008
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  I have to say, I like all of your ideas. 'never were' etc. seemed awkward to me, but I ignored it and thought to go back later. But your suggestion works. Thanks SO much!
ScottishPrincess
August 16, 2008

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I am glad I clicked on this,
I was left fascinated by this and
truly a masterpiece here indeed,Hazel.