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The Stumble and Pick Me Back Up


    she stumbled,
    drink splashing over the rim
    (down the side)
  her hands now wet,
  she absent-mindedly wipes them
  on her too-tight jeans


            the pool game resumes,
                an eight-ball grinds against a zipper
                  the game is won



    balls full,
cupped in perfection,
    sin is spilled across the floor
  with the seedy neon shadows flickering across forgetful minds


she stumbled,
  her path to salvation is filled with overgrown foilage and ejaculation,
and she picks herself back up,
only to stumble once more

is there salvation for her?





In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • Swan song gold member
    September 6, 2008
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    I do not know but this is one hell of a good poem.


  • luna-midnight gold member
    August 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is amazing, a lovely write for the contest.
    i really enjoyed this, good luck and take care
    Stephanie ♥


  • Arizona Sunset
    August 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    we all fall into sin at times, but there is salvation for all of us if we desire it no matter what ...excellent poem! best to you in the contest ~ blessings always~ Trisha


  • apples fell
    August 16, 2008

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    I loved the conversational nature of this piece and how you introduce this person who I get the feeling might be held in some idea of you...But I could be wrong. "with the seedy neon shadows flickering across forgetful minds" - A great line and one that should be read by more people. It made me think of those road signs with the big blinking lights that point "go this way" or "stop here". And for a forgetful mind, like you mention, guidance might be clearly needed...Not just for the asking. The only thing that I don't think you need here is the ellipses at the beginning and end of the first stanza. It would read fine with just a period at the end. I get the feeling this woman wants to be saved, but instead stumbles in and out of the same routine, without knowing how to stop...Well, that's how I read it. Powerfully penned Shawna.

    Thanks so much for entering and kenny as my co-judge will be around at some point to leave feedback as well.

    ;

  • Starz of Heaven gold member
    August 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is sad it reminds me of how I use to feel when I saw no other option in my life to rid myself of pain in ways that are hard to deal with thanks for sharing goodluck in the contest


  • Sandra R Reynolds gold member
    August 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Great write Sounds like me falling LOL

1 - 6 of 6