My heart once pulsed in your hand
A token, a steady flow of my love to you
I always was happier with my heart ripped out of my chest
Always willing to take the risk
of bleeding to death
But if I myself cannot bear the weight of my own heart behind my ribs
How anyone else can, eludes me
As it gets handed back heavier than before
I'm responsible for my own stitches
The numbing needle and bitter thread
a road for the scars to follow, cold reminders
Eagerly waiting, take my heart
Happily I'll bleed for you
I fall for you
the lack of blood
Love, my hallucination
Hitting the ground, a wake up call
I follow the trail,
the crumbs of my heart
What a mess.
Still crumbled
some missing
I eagerly wait
Someone take this mess of a heart
Let me hallucinate
Waiting for someone
to destroy it beyond repair
I'll never have to deal with the weight if it again
Author notes
this is how the more bitter and pessimistic side of me views the subject of love. In a bloody, interesting kind of wayy I actually feel this is accurate kinda sorta. Taking away the beauty and just showing the raww hard side of it people tend not to mention, without actually talking about heartbreak... confusing?
AP name - x simply x me x
A contest entry
- Life is Pain by mitchybaby.
1000 points, ended August 31, 2009, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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I love it!! So true of a broken heart! Thanks for sharing. and Thank you so much for entering and good luck!
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This is such a unique and interesting piece of work. It was truely beautiful and I loved how you expressed yourself and I loved how everything flowed into each other. You did a great job picking out the right words and I know they came from your heart. Great write!
^^) -meliijellii
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sad, but gorgeous in it's own way..
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great work with this...
bittersweet, lovely
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nice poem. =]
much love
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the comment below me is WAY of this is an amazing poem i know it you know it and if they don't scream them haha wel i'll ttyl
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General poetry tip. Synonyms are your friends, Clichés aren't. Generally speaking a noun or adjective should not be used more than once in a poem, in my opinion. You need to deepen your vocabulary, make it interesting. The word 'heart' is used 5 times. That is excessive. The best love poems, or break-up poems, don't use the word heart at all, they avoid the obvious.
Blood in general is hard to use in poetry without being a cliché, if you are going to use it as thematical matter you have to work around it, describe it in a sensory way not in a material way.
This is too obvious for me, sorry. Thank you for entering and keep writing. -
Yeah, you were right that was a good poem!
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bitterness and beauty what a perfect pair i loved it numb yet sad and painful all at once
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Interestingly enough I like it. It exposes a rawer side of love. People who just ache to much, and can't stand being alone. It seems so deseperate to be loved, so very needy. It made me smile sadly, because I know someone like this in regards to me. The title seems so very sad, because the owner of the heart wants love, yet there's nothing left to be done. It's 'Beyond Repair...'
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I love it! bitter and pessimistic!! yup you're right!! But i still love it!!
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even though this is bitter, it is just amazingly beautiful! everything just flows with hopless beauty!
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i think u should get a few more
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WOW
wow this is amazing plain and simple
the pain and suffering are so vivid it hurts
this is honestly one of your better poems that u have written.
i felt that it ended kinda weak but overall a simply amazing poem to say the least.
awesome job ttyl=]
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love is blind
I love this one. I think it speaks very clearly about that other side of "love". though I must say that I think that side is talked about plenty in poem & song, we just forget about that when we fall in love... which I thought was awesome the way you put that in there!! My only suggestion would be to take the "()" out from around "the lack of blood". It kind of made me feel like I was stopping reading the poem for a quick definition. I think the line change & no other words added would cause the reader to put "the lack of blood" directly with the falling. Maybe you would want to use "from lack of blood" but I think it works either way, just a bit smoother without the parentheses.
All in all very well written!!! Once again your talent shows!!!
I also liked the way you explain that it will go on again & again so you don't have to deal with the mess but can hallucinate again. But my favorite part was "bitter thread" I thought "numbing needle" was cool and then I read "bitter thread" & that was just perfect!!! Very very cool, perfect imagery that draws the reader in to exactly what you are feeling.
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