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Disaster Averted

He stood upon the rail
Eyeing death below
The weather was getting frosty
It had began to snow
He thought about his empty life
Ever since she died
He pretended he was all right
To everyone he lied
He couldn't take the pain he felt
To be apart from her
This was the only option
His sight began to blur

She has been watching over him
Since the time she passed
She saw his highs and his lows
And knew he would not last
She would have to change his mind
And try to make him see
That the only way they'd be together
Right now would be in memory

He threw his arms out to the sides
And looked up at the sky
He steeled himself to take that jump
He truly wanted to die
But as he tensed to start that tumble
He felt a subtle touch
An old familiarity
That used to mean so much

She pushed her hands against his chest
And steadied him just so
Then she whispered in his ear
Now is not the time to go

As he stood there panting
He heard her sweet soft voice
And struggled against the resistance
Death being his only choice

She brushed a lock of his ebony hair
Away from his tearing eye
And said it will not work this way
You know that, so do I
There so many things you have to be
It is not your time yet
Promise me just one little thing
Please just never forget

He said I know I trust you
But are you really sure
She whispered yes into his ear
And kissed him as she had before

She helped him from his perilous perch
And sent him on his way
He staggered numbly to his car
And he began to pray

Dear God please take care of her
She's such a joy to know
I'll be up to see her
When it is my time to go
Wait for me my love
Our love will never die
Soon we'll be together
And in heaven we will fly

And within Hell Satan stamped his feet
And had a full blown fit
For suicide sends you down there

With just a one way ticket
She knew that and told him so
That's why his death was halted
He'll have to wait until his time
And then he'll be exalted

Author notes

basically this is told from his view and her view and each of their actions in the situation.You see if she's from heaven, and if he kills himself,he won't go there he'll go to hell then they will never be together.So she intervenes to make sure that doesn't happen. and the satan bit,well he just loves breaking people up and ruining stuff doesn't he? so true love prevails in the long run...even though it sucks that he has to wait sorry its so long

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Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • LeilaJayne
    November 15
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    I love this... it was so sad and beautiful at the same time... it's hard to lose the one you love and people often think these things, so it's good to read this and realise what will happen if you do take the wrong option!
    Thanks so much for entering and best of luck in the contest x

  • Beautiful. I enjoyed this a lot. A lovely story.

  • This is a wonderful write. Well written, great form. Vivid. Thank you for the story that unfolds. You really dont need the information in your notes....you have done a fine job in the write itself. Thank you for entering and best of luck. May your pen never cease to flow


  • TheSexyOne
    April 29
    Edit | Reply

    woah

    IT WAS INTENSE and good thnx for entering


  • Denerica
    April 19

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    What so many considering such an act that satan rob, kills, seeks to have us do such a thing as that to be with him in eternity, this is a tear jerker, but also a hope of ones renewed salvation, that love prevails, and they still will be with God in the end...sweet victory. Excellent write. blessings.


  • Forgotten Anomaly
    October 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Ah, an anti-sucide poem based on religious beliefs and emotional controls. I don't believe in God, heaven, hell, an afterlife, any of that religious stuff but am against sucide no matter how desperate someone is so for that you have my aplause (not literally I don't give those little icon things for contests). Well writen and carries a strong pace. Thank you for entering my contest either way.


  • Swan song gold member
    September 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a brilliant poem sigh! that moment of life and death. the greiving! the aving grace of a ghost
    Well done


  • Black Narcissus gold member
    August 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Wonderful

    Very, very moving .


  • solitarytear
    August 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    this one

    had me crying from get go till the end.....powerful pieces and the flow made it come alive before my eyes.....thank you for the share.....hope to read more of your work soon


  • Feline-Fancy
    August 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow! I entered this contest so was reading some of the other poems, and yours is just is amazing!

    Fantastic job, I absolutely loved it.

    I especially like this part:

    "He threw his arms out to the sides
    And looked up at the sky
    He steeled himself to take that jump
    He truly wanted to die
    But as he tensed to start that tumble
    He felt a subtle touch
    An old familiarity
    That used to mean so much"

    Wonderfully done!


  • AlmostLover
    August 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is so amazing, im actually tearing up! Usually poems that rhyme are not my favorit, but this one was so beautiful. The imagery is wonderful and your words are so full of emotion. Great, great write ♥


  • crazyash007
    August 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    to begin with i loved the rhyme.......it made me enjoy......

    the theme and prompt taken was good.......you have captured the real essence of love.....

    some parts of the poem were too good that i was almost lost into them n i mean it.....

    He threw his arms out to the sides
    And looked up at the sky
    He steeled himself to take that jump
    He truly wanted to die
    But as he tensed to start that tumble
    He felt a subtle touch
    An old familiarity
    That used to mean so much

    this part was the most beautiful part of all.......you did a great work in here.......the picture and this exact part are as if mirrors to each other

    well done........

    all the best

1 - 12 of 12